alllll the fics

Therapy

Desciption: I was bored and an idea came to me. Dan goes to a therapy session.

Warnings: None except that I guess it’s kind of sad, but so is everything I write.

  Dan sat in the lobby, twiddling his thumbs. He’d been to therapy before, but not since he was like, 17. He was a stupid kid and honestly couldn’t have cared less if anyone saw him go. But now, he wasn’t just Dan Howell. No, now he was Dan Howell, Internet cult leader, and if anyone saw him, he was screwed. He couldn’t even fall asleep on a plane without someone creeping on him and sneaking pictures. Those pictures got a crap-ton of attention and he was just sleeping in those, so if someone found out he was about to go in to spill his heart to a stranger because he was sad, he was sure an entire shit tsunami would come pouring of of his computer screen (what a lovely mental image). Sure, it’s normal to be sad, but people often assume therapy is for crazy people. He was snapped to attention when the door creaked open. “Don’t be a fangirl, don’t be a fangirl, don’t be a fangirl,” he muttered to himself. He had to stifle a little laugh as he realized that he was talking to himself. Maybe calling him crazy might not be too far off. A guy, probably about 30 years old, walked out and barely even glanced at Dan. “Next,” came a bored sounding voice from inside.

  Dan walked in and stood awkwardly in the door. “Come on, sit down,” came the same voice. Whoever it was sounded like he was extremely tired of listening to people’s problems. Dan sat down on the couch and looked around. It was pretty much like he remembered these types of rooms to look like. It was plain, paint peeling away from the walls in some places, and there was a fake plant in the corner. The only difference was that he couldn’t actually see the counselor. He raised an eyebrow before realizing that there was no one to see him do it. “Where are you?” He asked, a little confused.

  “In here.” Dan’s eyes followed the voice to what looked sort of like a wardrobe sitting in front of him. The man inside banged twice on the door. “Sometimes it makes it easier for people to talk if they can’t see who they’re talking to. It’s a boring job, but at least for me, it’s only a side job.”

  “Can you see me, though?” Dan asked, leaning up and trying to peek inside. He was curious now. There was a short, sweet laugh from inside. “Yes, I can. I guess this is kind of like a church confessional, but without all the religion.” Dan smirked and stopped trying to look. “Well, am I supposed to tell you my name or not?”

  “You don’t have to,” he responded. “But what you do have to do is tell me why you’re here. Tell me your story.” Dan sighed. “Okay, well, you can know me as James. And I’m here because I’ve been in love 4 times.”

  “Is that a bad thing?” the man asked, chuckling a bit. Dan really liked hearing that man laugh for some reason. Dan nodded. “It’s a bad thing, indeed. Now, the first 3 times were probably just silly crushes, but they say when it’s longer than 3 months, it’s love. So I guess that means I was in love.” Dan looked down. This was really weird. He was actually comforted by talking to the stranger sitting inside a closet in front of him. “And the fourth time..?” the man urged. Dan heard what must’ve been that guys chair squeak as he leaned forward. “Well.. The 4th time.. It’s been probably about 6 years, if we’re going to count 2008, which we probably should. That’s when I first started really falling for him. And the person.. Well, it’s awkward but.. It’s a he. And he just so happens to be my best friend.” The man made some noises, maybe stopping a laugh? Dan shifted uncomfortably on the couch. “So, you’re telling me that you’re in love with your best friend. Okay, tell me a bit about this guy. What’s so special about him?” Dan smiled as he started to think about what it was that made him so special. “Oh god, how to even begin.. I mean, what doesn’t make him special? His eyes and his hair and his smile and his laugh and when he pouts at me and those cute little freckles on his back that I’ve only see a few times but I love, and even just his name. The name Philip Micheal Lester is a name that is certainly reserved for angels.” Dan stopped abruptly, realizing he was totally gushing over Phil. He sounded like he used to when he’d stay up late watching Phil’s videos over and over. His therapist did laugh a little that time. “You certainly sound pretty crazy over this guy. Does he know?” Dan’s smile faded a bit.

  “Well, maybe. The worst part is, we were actually together for a while. Back in 2009 and 2010. But something happened late in 2010, and we broke up. It was some stupid fight. See, we.. We kind of make videos for a living. And I didn’t want our fans to know, but he did. I was scared, honestly. I didn’t know how people would react to us actually being together. And I didn’t want to find out. It turned into this huge argument, and it ended with him walking out and slamming the door.. When he came back, he told me maybe it’d be for the best if we just stayed friends. So, that’s what we did. But in the time since then, I have really just fallen for him all over again, and I just want him back. I’d tell everyone about us if ‘us’ was real anymore. I’d scream it out the fucking windows of our flat. I’d post 20 videos about it and tweet about him non-stop and I’d just love him so much he might even feel smothered by me. But I’d do it. Because I fucking love him.”

  It got really quiet in the room, and Dan could hear some sniffling inside the wardrobe where his invisible counselor was sitting. “Wow.. Uh, that was.. Wow. Maybe we should just.. Tell me about your childhood instead, D-” The man stopped, and Dan was actually a little scared now. “Why did you just call me Dan?” he asked, shaking a little. The man cleared his throat. “I didn’t. Now tell me about what you were like as a child, James. We still have 40 minutes.” Dan squinted. He was sure the man had just called him Dan. But he decided to brush it off, and he started talking about what he was like as a kid. Why not? The guy had asked nicely enough.

  40 minutes later, Dan’s throat was dry from talking and the man listening must’ve been dying of boredom. There was a little click as he probably checked a pocket watch or something. “Your hour’s up. Stand up.” Dan stood, his legs feeling weak after sitting for 60 minutes. “Thanks for listening,” Dan said awkwardly. The man laughed again. Dan really liked this guy’s laugh. “No problem. It’s my job, after all.”

  “Side job,” Dan reminded him, smiling. “Can I at least shake your hand?” It got quiet again before he answered. “No, I don’t think that would be a good idea.” Dan shrugged. “Okay. Really though, thanks. I needed that.” There was a bump and the guy knocked against the side again. Dan started walking towards the door, but was stopped when he heard a creak that definitely wasn’t the office door.

  “See you next week, Dan.”

  He turned around to see a messy haired Phil standing in front of the open closet door, face red from heat and probably just a little embarrassment. Dan put a hand over his mouth. Phil smiled. “I told you,” he said, “This is a side job.” He walked up to Dan and kissed his cheek. “I know, Dan. Now, you’d better get to making those videos- 20, you said?”

  “Phil.. What?”

  “Dan, come on. You might be crazy, but you’re not stupid.”

  “You mean we’re-“

  “Exactly. Now go on. I have 2 more ‘patients’ today.” Dan still had his hand over his mouth. Phil was standing there and he’d just kissed him and now it was Dan’s heart doing that flippy over thing and his stomach was mimicking it. Dan and Phil weren’t just Dan and Phil. It was back to like it used to be. Not Dan and Phil, but Dan and Phil.

  “Phil..”

  “Yes?”

  “Do you remember writing that stuff in the snow?”

  Phil’s face got even redder (if that was possible). His eyes looked so nice when he blushed. “Well, of course I do. I didn’t think you did.”

  “Well, I do remember. And while I do the first of all those videos I promised, I think you should get writing. The snow’s still new outside.” Phil blushed even more, and at this point it looked like someone had just colored on him with a red marker. “Of course,” he grinned. Dan opened the door. And as he left with a wide smile, he heard Phil say one last thing.

"See you later, James."