For The Love of Speed

Chapter 47: Again?

POV: Shadow

((TW: More alcohol use, self depreciation))

I get my bags in the room and shut the door. 'I'll have to do this quick before Sonic gets home and stops me.' I think to myself with a sigh, pulling out the bottle of Elijah Craig Barel Proof whiskey. 'Damn it, I'm not an alcoholic, I shouldn't do this.' I sigh and put the bottle down. I look over at it sitting on the night stand and grip my head with frustration 'but I don't want to be sober if I have to be with Faker again tonight. He's too good for this world.' I fight myself before I snatch the bottle, taking a gulp before setting it back down, my hands shaking with frustration. 'He is getting too close to me. He doesn't deserve this. This is wrong. I'm just taking advantage of his kindness, someone needs to tell me to stop.'

I growl to myself and grab it quickly again, taking another swig. 'He doesn't deserve a friend like me. I'm too selfish, I'm too competitive, I'm too... I'm too me. I don't deserve the title of friend. What have I ever done except try and beat him? I almost killed him several times!' I grip the bottle tightly and sigh, looking at the liquid in it, seeing that is still 3/4 full. 'I don't want to be sober enough to remember his face when he sees what I did. This needs to be gone.' I take a deep, shaky breath before I chug the rest of the bottle. I get up and throw it in the bathroom trash, hiding my evidence. I'm glad I did, because when I come back into the room, I hear the front door shut and Sonic's voice in the living room. 'Damn it alcohol, hurry up and take effect.' I get in bed and cover myself with the blankets. Hoping he'll just think I went to sleep.

((TW over, kind of?))

I hear the bedroom door open, and I shut my eyes, ignoring him. I feel as he climbs into bed, getting under the covers and trying to get comfortable. He turns to me and I can feel his eyes on me and hear him sigh before speaking. "I know you're awake Shads, what's wrong?" I just grunt and pull the blanket higher. I feel as Sonic gets closer and gently touches my shoulder. I growl quietly at him and he pulls his hand back. "Are.. are you mad at me?" I stop growling 'he thinks I'm mad at.. him? Damnit he's too precious.' I roll over quickly, the room spinning for a second before I gather my bearings. "No. I'm not mad at you." I see his nose twitch and his eyes widen 'shit I forgot about his sensitive nose.'

He frowns and lowers his ears "Shads.. did you drink again? And don't lie because I can smell it." I sigh and roll back away from him, not wanting to see his disappointed face. "Yeah." I reply simply, just wanting the alcohol to take its affect so I don't have to deal with this conversation anymore. I hear him sigh and he gets up out of bed. I turn my head back to him and give him a raised eyebrow. "Where are ya going?" He shrugs his shoulders "I feel like I'm to blame, so I'm going to go sleep in my bed tonight." I growl "It's not your fault, get back here." 'Wait what am I saying?' "Nevermind, you shouldn't get too close anyway." He cocks his head before shaking it with a frown. He climbs back into bed and gets close with a sigh. "Shads. Please tell me what's wrong. I just want to help you."

I huff and lower my ears "I just need to stop. You don't deserve me. I've done nothing good for you and I feel like I'm just taking advantage of your friendliness and kind heart in order to fill a hole in my heart I didn't even know was there. I'm just bad news." 'Woah, this is not what I meant to say. I guess the alcohol is taking effect. Just not in the way I intended.' "I-Ignore me. It's just the alcohol talking."