Remnant [h.s]

chapter three

If I had one wish, it would be for you to be here. And it will always be that wish. Always.

☆ ☆ ☆

Harry Styles

With every beat of my heart came dread. Each time the feeling worse than before, each time my stomach sinking even more.

There's no real words to fathom just how gut wrenching it was watching the love of your life take their last breaths. I've been watching Jasmine's chest rise and fall for the past four hours. Each time I'm certain that her breath will be the last, and it never is.

She keeps going. She keeps pushing, defying the odds.

But now it seemed like my pain was just being dragged out longer than necessary.

I had watched Binx scream and collapse onto the floor as Jazz was taken away in the back of an ambulance. I had listened to Sully's whines for his mumma. I had watched the two of them sob like they had any idea of what their lives had in store for them and my heart was already breaking.

My heart had already been thrown off of the edge. I watched Jazz get taken away from our family home, where she made me promise that I'd allow her to die there. I couldn't fulfil that promise.

And so my heart had been thrown off the edge, it had somehow sustained the fall and it was just waiting for that final speck of debris to bounce down and land perfectly on my glass heart, shattering this whole operation.

I knew that life would come crumbling down on me, I knew it was coming but I didn't know how to prepare for it.

So with every beat of my heart, I was expecting the worst to happen.

With every strain of my tired muscles, those two beautiful kids came to the front of my mind. They were always my first thought. They were the ones who were going to suffer so critically.

Jazz was their mum. Their beacon of light and their home. She was their safe space and they weren't going to have that anymore. They'd have to live the rest of their life without her and that was eating me alive, that was destroying every inch of my soul.

They have a whole lifetime to live without their mum.

She'll miss birthday parties and Christmases, she'll never get to see Binx in a wedding dress or watch her baby boy walk proudly into school for the first time. She'll never get to kiss them goodnight or tend to their scraped knees. She'll miss movie nights and picnics in the park, she'll miss bath times and play dates and laughter and sunshine.