Remnant [h.s]

chapter thirteen

This morning, I told the sky how much I missed you. And it rained.

☆ ☆ ☆

Arwen Milton

It was hard to get out of bed this morning. The heaviest weights pulling on all that I am. I knew today wouldn't be easy, I knew attending my best friends funeral wasn't going to be enjoyable or a memory to always hold onto.

But it hit me as soon as I woke up.

I was never going to see her again and I couldn't cope with that thought. I couldn't cope with the fear of my best friend leaving my behind, leaving her family behind, and us having to say goodbye to her for the final time.

This was it now.

After the funeral, I assume our lives were expected to go back to normal.

Once Jazz was in the ground, what were we supposed to do then? What happens next? We just forget about her and move on? Not on my watch.

I had never been to a young persons funeral and so I didn't know what to expect or where this would go. I just knew it'd be sickeningly upsetting. Even if the church was full of people who didn't even know Jazz, I'm certain there wouldn't be a dry eye in the house.

I knew I was going to bawl as soon as I saw the kids anyway.

After I had gotten ready, I was heading straight to Harry's house, where everything would begin. And there was so much dread living within me, knowing I have to be brave and face that poor family.

If I was struggling this morning, there was no doubt that Harry would be too. There was no doubt that he was trying to suffocate himself under the covers and beg for it not to be real. If it was up to him, today would never have to happen.

But it was real and it was happening, and those kids were going to need someone to hold them close today. Harry was going to need people looking out for him, even if he claims he's fine. Everyone knows it's a lie when those words come out of his mouth.

He was just a mess of grief and he had every right to be.

I have no choice but to rush getting ready, as I spent too much time gazing out of the window, watching the droplets of rain run down the glass, each one resembling all of the tears I have cried for Jazz.

I looked up to the sky, whispered to the clouds how much I loved them and then I had to painfully tear myself away from the window. I showered as if I was trying to scrub the sadness off of me, rubbing at my skin until it was red raw. I was trying everything, to just get a break from the sadness for two minutes. I hated feeling this way.