Remnant [h.s]

chapter five

I am so lost because you felt like home.

☆ ☆ ☆

Trigger warning: grief and depression.

Harry Styles

Our day was filled with cries of sorrow and messages of pity from friends and family, it was endless words of 'we're so sorry for your loss, Jasmine was an amazing human being, she will be sorely missed. We're sending love to you and the kids, let us know if you need anything.' And that was it.

They sent their messages of pity, they sent their words of apologies and then got on with their lives. It was just a message and then they could carry on with their lives. It didn't effect them in the way that it effects us. They could maybe shed a tear, or remember a soft memory of her, but that was it.

They didn't have the grief swallowing them whole. They didn't truly know how it felt to lose someone as special as Jazz. They didn't know what we were going through.

They didn't hear the scream of Binx as she learnt her mummy was in the stars, they didn't have to live through Sully's incessant cries for only one woman who would soothe his needs. They didn't feel the pain we were feeling and I was so jealous of them for that reason. I was so jealous that they got to just move on with their lives after sending a text of sympathy that barely came from their hearts. I was so jealous.

I had thought perhaps that people would rally around us a little more, offering to do anything for us, but it didn't seem that way. Everyone seemed to be giving us space but that isn't what we needed right now.

We needed distractions and friends around us, we needed cooked meals and lighthearted conversations. We just needed life to resume as normal. Yet here I was still slumped on Binx's bedroom floor after being here for hours with the two of them passed out on the rug.

Of course, we had moved, well, I had moved. I went to get my phone from the bedroom after throwing up one more time, to see endless texts and voicemails from people who were sending their love, but that was as far as I had moved.

I didn't dare walk down the stairs to see Jasmine's blanket still in its right place, her shoes by the door or her coat on the hook. I wasn't quiet brave enough to see that just yet.

The children hadn't even been fed, they hadn't been changed or cared for. I was certain that if a social worker came over right now, those kids would get taken away from me.

But their mother had made it to the stars not even twenty four hours ago, surely this was expected. I had no idea of what to do or how to coax them out of this pit they had dug themselves into.