Remnant [h.s]

chapter twenty four

A lot can happen in a year, but I never expected this.

☆ ☆ ☆

Arwen Milton

Harry was trying to avoid me. That much was quite obvious. I could tell every time I'd talk to him over the phone, or when I'd turn up at his house, it felt like he was trying to get rid of me.

I had quizzed him about it, I had told him that I wasn't dumb and I knew what he was trying to do. I knew he was trying to push me away. And I wasn't sure what I had done wrong. I wasn't sure why so suddenly he had become a closed book.

I felt like we were back at the start. Back at square one where he hated my guts and treated me like the villain. Though it wasn't quite to that extent just yet. He was still friendly with me, just nothing like it was.

I had told myself it was just because he didn't want to kiss me again, I was convinced that he was keeping clear of me so the same mistake wasn't made twice and I get it.

The guilt was most likely eating him alive, as it was for me.

I had spent most of my spare moments hunched over Jazz's mud mound of a grave, begging her for forgiveness. It seems that crying up to the night sky, finding the brightest star and screaming how sorry I was, wasn't quite enough. Because no matter how many times I sat at my window trying to explain my mistakes, the guilt was still buried inside of me.

I was looking for a sign to be told that it was okay. I wanted to be forgiven, I didn't want to feel so guilty anymore. I didn't want to feel like a home wrecker.

It was never my intention to fall in this far, it was never my intention to kiss Harry and actually enjoy his lips on mine. But it happened and I now didn't know how to reverse it. I didn't know how to take back my feelings and my actions. I didn't know how to make it better.

So I can understand why Harry would want to distance himself from me. He probably feels the same uncomfortable guilt that I do.

It had us both trapped.

But I couldn't go on like this anymore. I couldn't keep getting shut out by him. It wasn't fair and it felt like petty playground disagreements. We were both adults, we could both talk it through.

I just couldn't bare to be left in the dark like this.

"We need to talk" I take a breath as Harry opens the door, his hair a little disheveled and his eyes looking tired.

He looks as though he's been dragged through the mire but I wouldn't know of what his days have entailed as he hardly speaks to me anymore.