Remnant [h.s]

chapter fourteen

On my silent days, I miss you a little louder.

☆ ☆ ☆

Arwen Milton

I didn't know true pain until I was clutching onto Binxie's little hand with all my might, walking down that aisle in the church, my best friend at the end of it.

For years we had sat, childishly planning out a faux wedding, I've imagined walking Binx down the aisle in a beautiful dress, buzzing as she flings rose petals around, in preparations for her mother to follow.

But I didn't know that we'd be walking down the aisle like this. In this way. Wearing black. In silence. Jazz isn't in a beautiful white dress about to marry the love of her life. People haven't got their phones held up ready for the grand entrance. There isn't excited hustle and bustle.

This is never how I expected it to be.

Harry leads the way, Sully in his arms, holding onto him as if it was his last day on earth. I think he needed the comfort more than anything. He needed the reassurance and the warmth of someone hugging onto him.

Anne had tried to pry the little boy out of his arms, trying to convince Harry that she'll look after him so he's able to focus during the service. But the point was that he didn't want to focus. He didn't want to listen to what was going on. I could tell that much by the blank stare and the pale wash across his face like he had seen a ghost.

"Hey" Binx whispers, taking note of the eerily quiet room filled with people she had never seen before. She reaches out her hand and points at the photo of Jazz that was being displayed at the front, so everybody could see her beautiful face and be reminded of that soft glow she emitted.

"That's my mummy!" She proudly points out, a hint of a smile on her face and I think that's as close as she'll get to smiling today.

It kills me inside.

There are instant tears springing to my eyes, tears that I swore I would hold off at least until the service had started. But there was something so pure and innocent about her words that just made me sob.

That was her mummy. She was absolutely right.

Out of everybody here, the loss of Jazz would be felt the most by her two children. It was just a fact.

Of course her mum would miss her, her aunties would cry and her old friends might have a crack in their heart. But no one would feel her loss quite like Binx and Sully.