Remnant [h.s]

chapter twenty six

It hurts, but I'll get over it.

☆ ☆ ☆

Harry Styles

Life had been lonely without Arwen. Things weren't quite the same as they once were, but I was doing my best to get by.

A dark cloud had rained upon me the day that Arwen left me at the cemetery. Things hadn't been the same since. And naturally I was the only person to blame. I was the one to make the final decision and most of the time I regret that.

Most of the time I lay awake, because I never really sleep, and all I think about is Arwen and the mistakes I had made with her. I think pushing her away was the first mistake I was guilty for.

I didn't want to push her away, I didn't want to have to do that to us, I didn't want to have to do that to the kids. But something had to change. We were both feeling the upmost guilt every time we so much grazes a finger upon each other's skin, and so the only solution to prevent that feeling, was to stay away from each other.

I didn't want this as an outcome. I didn't want to have to do this. It fills me with nothing by dread to think about and I know that in the process of trying to prevent mistakes, I have made a mistake. A big one at that. But I was so sure to not go back on myself. I was so sure to stick to what I had said and just let the week pass by first.

It had only been a few days and I felt as lost as ever.

I didn't take things into consideration a couple of days ago, I just let my mind speak before my heart could intervene. I didn't think of what this could mean for me and the milestones I had to go through alone.

Of course, I could easily just phone Arwen up, I could send her a text and I'm sure she'd be over within minutes, she was like that. She'd go out of her way to make sure that others were okay, she'd break down walls to get to us quicker if she could.

Arwen just wanted to help. She always wanted to help. She just had this heart of gold like no other. She walked into a room and the room was filled with light. She just had this constant overpowering need to look after the people around her. And I wasn't sure if there was a deeper story to it, if there was a reason she was always reaching out to help, even when I didn't deserve it. But there was so much left of Arwen that I was yet to uncover and get to know.

Christmas was in just three weeks, and I know Arwen would have a field day helping me out with that one, but if I was the person to push her away, then it's not exactly easy for me to pull her back. Or maybe it is, maybe I was just overcomplicating it.

But Christmas was in three weeks. And that was a big deal. It was a big thing for us all. Another huge milestone without Jazz was passing by and I could hardly get a grip on myself at the realisation that I'd have to do this all alone. Again.