Remnant [h.s]

chapter ten

You left too soon, I wasn't done loving you.

☆ ☆ ☆

Arwen Milton

Every day I woke up and there was a dull aching in my heart. Every day I woke up and my life seemed so ghastly lonely. Every breath felt long and every movement pulled my muscles.

Every day was hard when my best friend was no longer here.

I couldn't just phone her up for a chat, I couldn't visit her or talk to her. Nothing about this life felt normal anymore, and it just goes to show the impact that one person can have. I had lost one person but the pain was so significant, it could move mountains.

I felt so alone, but I knew I had a whole army of people around me, some who understood more than others, and some who seemed to block it out and push me away.

Like Harry.

I was trying to be there for him as much as humanly possible, I was trying to let him know that I was here, I wanted him to know that he could call on me whenever, and I'd be there. We were the only two people who really knew what the loss of a best friend felt like. We both loved Jazz, we loved her more than life and then she got taken away, and suddenly our minds don't know what to do when she isn't by our sides.

It hurts. It hurts a lot. Especially when I've been begging Harry at every chance to let me in. I've been begging him to open up and allow me to spend time with the children, or just to be in the house where Jazz once lay and soak up whatever love she left here on earth.

It was all too soon for Harry, it was too much for him to bare, too much for him to carry and everyone around him could see how much he was struggling and tearing himself apart. It was a lot to have to deal with.

He was planning a funeral for his best friend and the mother of his children, that can't be an easy job to do alone, but he wouldn't accept anybody's help no matter how hard I tried to get involved, he didn't want it. It was like he wanted to let the waves drown him.

Everything about this was just so tragically sad. The way Jazz was taken from us, the way the children were left, the way Harry couldn't function without his missing part. It was awful to be a witness of. It was awful to know how much they were all hurting, but not being able to do anything about it. Because there was no cure for grief.

There was no medication and there were no tips of what to do, there wasn't a button that made it all magically disappear and I couldn't even escape the loss in my dreams. It was haunting me in every which way.