Remnant [h.s]

chapter twenty two

My best feeling is that I'm a little piece of you.

☆ ☆ ☆

Harry Styles

I was trying to stay away from Arwen, as much as it was hurting my soul to say, it was true. I was trying to steer clear to save myself from a broken heart. I had already gone through so much hurt and I wasn't sure if I'd actually survive anymore.

I wasn't sure if my heart could take it.

So I was keeping my distance, trying to at least. But Arwen someone wriggled her way into my house nearly every day, she'd phone and text a million times, asking for photos of the kids whilst I was at work, asking for updates on the scrapbook and how it was coming along.

I guess she had just slotted herself right into our family, in a little place were she fit in perfectly and I didn't hate it. That was what surprised me the most. I didn't hate it.

I didn't hate having her around, it was actually nice to share my days with her, it was nice to have someone on the other end of the phone keeping my company during the day whilst I try to fill the void.

It was nice to have another adult around, but Arwen wasn't just another adult, she wasn't just someone to waste time with, she actually cares. She genuinely wanted to spend time with us, she genuinely wanted to be around us. I didn't have her ask her to come over, she just came.

I never had to ask her for help, I never had to ask for anything, she just does it. She's just there and even when I try to steer her away, she still appears.

I enjoyed her company, I enjoyed being around her and getting to see her face. I liked to just sit and watch her with the kids, happily playing with them, helping them with the scrapbook, talking to them in the most gentle voice. She'd read them bedtime stories and cook them dinners.

She was taking up the mum role.

And that's exactly what I didn't want.

I didn't want her to come along and act like a saint, I didn't want her to swoop in and save the day, that was never her part to play, she was never supposed to take up the role. I suppose she had just fallen into it, but it felt too fast. It felt like we were rushing into things and that wasn't supposed to be the case.

It was like she was becoming a parent and I wasn't sure where that lead us. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to manage that or what that meant for the future.

All I knew was that I didn't want to get my heart broken again. I refused to put myself in a situation where my heart is going to hurt and I was going to experience a breakdown.