Remnant [h.s]

chapter thirty four

I've never been so scared in all of my life.

☆ ☆ ☆

Harry Styles

A date. I had asked Arwen on a date. I had rushed into it and most likely scared her away. When it came to Arwen, she was a timid deer, ready to sprint the second something overwhelmed her or made her feel something new.

Though I was hardly one to talk when I was the exact same. I'd run the second anyone spoke words that I didn't want to hear, I'd run away the moment I felt out of control.

I suppose emotions weren't our strongest weapon.

That much was obvious when Arwen went home that night, for the first time in about three weeks, she returned home and left me alone to fester within my own thoughts.

She had told me everything was fine and that I hadn't crossed a boundary, but I questioned it when she told me that she was going to go home for the night.

I understood she needed time to think and process what I had asked of her, but it did pierce my heart just a touch to see her leave with a half hearted smile.

Time. That's all she needed.

And the next day she had come back into my home with a genuine smile on her face. She seemed a lot more sure of herself the day after, though I stupidly still tried to distance myself from her. I just felt like I was making a fool out of myself.

To me, it didn't feel as though I was rushing anything. Everything felt perfectly timed and I genuinely couldn't help or stop myself from how I was feeling over this all. But I felt as though others would shame me for this. Jazz's family especially.

They'd point the finger and shame me for moving on so fast. But I wasn't moving on. I could never move on from a love like Jazz's. Her love was something that I'd never be able to forget or replace. That isn't what this was about.

I wasn't moving on.

I was just trying to be alive. I was trying to make the most out of my days rather than wallowing in self pity alone in my bed. So to some, I would be moving on too fast and rushing into things, but for me, this felt like the perfect speed.

I wasn't about to rush off and marry Arwen tomorrow, and hell, I can't even really see us ever connecting in a real relationship. Arwen was never supposed to be my girlfriend. She wasn't supposed to come along and put stars in my eyes. She was Jazz's best friend. I shouldn't feel this way.