Remnant [h.s]

chapter thirty six

She's my life and she is fading. I was never prepared for that.

☆ ☆ ☆

Arwen Milton

The air between Harry and I had shifted slightly since our date. Not necessarily in a bad way, though I wouldn't say in a good way either.

There was just a new space between us, a chill of some air that wasn't supposed to be there.

The only valid reason I could think of for this was that either Harry or Niall had said something to one another and the whole thing got out of hand. I had just hoped Niall didn't put something in his head and I hoped that Harry didn't completely lash out at him.

He didn't share much with me about it when I had asked. He brushed it off and said it was nothing. But I know him, and I know when he's hiding something. Harry telling me 'it's nothing' tells me that it was most definitely something, but he just didn't want to talk about it.

I prayed every day that a doctor would finally get back to him to confirm some type of counselling for him. He needed to learn how to open up instead of just hiding everything away. It's all he had ever done, and so it's all he ever knew.

He kept claiming he was fine, but there was no denying how mentally absent he had been these past few days. He seemed to just reside on another planet most days. He wasn't himself, I could tell that quite easily.

I asked every day if he was ready to talk yet, or if he wanted to get something off his chest, I made him aware that I was right here waiting for him. I'd be here waiting until he was ready.

Our days carried on as usual, and though I was trying not to, I was a little offended that Harry never mentioned our date again. It was almost like it had never happened and every time I went to talk about it, Harry would tell me not now. Or he'd shoot his eyes over to Binx and Sully, subtly telling me that now was not the time.

It never seemed to be the right time. I just seemed to be spinning around in a circle, never really getting the answers I wanted, and it was becoming exhausting.

I didn't want to have to chase after Harry so much, and I didn't want him to feel as though he couldn't talk to me. It felt like we were back at square one all over again and it made me question if any of this was even worth it anymore.

I couldn't keep running around in circles, I couldn't keep putting myself through that.

Of course, I would stand by Harry and still support his family, I would never or could never abandon this beautiful family in that way. I owed it to Jazz. But I couldn't dabble within this relationship if I was just wasting my time.