LIES

32. NOT SO INNOCENT

3 MONTHS LATER

Aarohi's pov:
It's been 12 weeks since she returned from the hospital, the toughest 12 weeks she had in her life,
Well starting 8 weeks was the toughest, but after then it's coming easy, she again started wearing her heels now, more than 8 hours, which means it was time to join the hospital again, Abhimanyu let her join the special cases via video calls, and her fellow interns keep her updated on what's latest going on there,  but nothing can replace the feel of going there in the hospital as a doctor,  not the patient,  she was visiting the hospital on weekly bases for her physiotherapy, well that worked so far, now I can dance too, again, if I wanted to.
Akshara visited every other day in the start,  now she visits on weekends,  saying she has to take more responsibility at hospital, I can tolerate her  better,  she really tried to cheer me up in the start,  on my gloomy days she was here beside me,  only her and Abhimanyu knows exactly what happened,  akshu treated me like I am some proclene doll , at starting it make me feel like she is doing that out of petty, but with time realization hit me more like she is doing this because it's her way of coping , or like her way for makeup for others,  since she can't tell them,once or twice she ask me if I feel comfortable sharing this to other members of family,  to which I say I am not ready , and I don't think I ever be ready with telling them, I know they deserve to know but it's already Akshara knew about this , at it still doesn't sit well with me , and on top of that Abhimanyu knows about it too , but he never treated me with pity, yeah his behavior gets better,  no more sneaky or hurtful remarks on me , and we do share some rare smile and he is getting better at getting my sarcastic comments,  so I guess it's not too bad that he knows , in a way ,i still felt guilty about them knowing,  they are under this mountain of  creating scenarios like what happened,  why it happened and how did it happened , and they may never get to know the answers of all that.
I had this love-and-hate kind of relationship with my body, sometimes I feel fine, like yeah that's how a young doctor's ideal body should look,  and sometimes it feels off, even can't point out,  what's wrong, but seems wrong, I am not taking any OTC (diet or appetite controlling pills), not that I don't have them,  I always had them, some stash always kept hidden in my room, much time I have reached those in last 5 weeks when I was feeling insecure about my weight gain, which isn't very much, but not the ideal type according to me, but I didn't take those pills, because after telling so many lies, breaking so many promises, and hurting so many people In my whole life, for the first time, I am caring about that one promise n more than my urge to get In ideal shape or weight,  that one promise I did to Neil,  he is fulfilling his promise so far, so can I break his.

After coming from the hospital,  my first two days, I spent most of the time taking naps, but whenever meal time come badi mumma woke me up to have something to eat, I tried eating fir them, but I couldn't, more than three spoonfuls,  after that I simply said sorry or no, but atlast, after the third day, badi mumma broke down, saying please beta, eat properly, otherwise you will die, how can we ever live after that, your bade papa also not eating properly,  please beta atleast try na, we all cry to sleep these days, look at you, what has happened to you,  how will I ever face your mother and father n they left a healthy and happy child, and I couldn't take care of you, kairav is punishing himself for not taking care of you,  I know just eating won't solve everything,  but it gives us hope, that things will be better,  aaru we love you so much, not for you atleast eat for you bade papa.
Aarohi couldn't deny her pleads,  from that day till now , bade papa is the one who is eating with her , he Is feeding her with his own hands , she just swallowing her food , she can't run this time , as she is bed bound , she can't throw up because bade papa stays there and finish his meal , and she can't hide her food anymore,  resulting her body has increased her appetite and she gained some weight in her body , bade papa still eating along with her in room of hers till last 2 weeks , from there , they all were eating together,  since she is able to walk now , and now she again starting eating less each day , again her hiding tricks are working,  she hides her chapati in vegetables,  or just spreading her rice on plate, so it look like she finished it , sometime she act like she is chewing on something,  she started doing it discreetly,  she do feel bad for deceiving her family like this , but she can't help it , otherwise she would implode,  looking at mirror,  aarohi isn't finding herself beautiful anymore,  and not very desirable per say ,I know I stopped Neil to come near her , but that because of different reasons,  but when they were having sex , she felt good with her body , now it's getting worse for her (in her mind), and it's effecting her mental health too , she can't say anything to anyone,  akshara tried so hard to penetrate her mind , so many times , but no one can do that if they try their best , only one person in this life of hers can read her mind through her eyes and her actions only , but she pushed that person away , she did regret her decision,  at the same not , she did him favor,  and tried to return him his life , on which she had this claim without knowing,  but you can see it in his eyes .
I saw him, once in these 12 weeks, when I was in the hospital for my physiotherapy,  he was talking with the receptionist,  about something very important,  his brows frowned and he look tensed, or tired, she is a bit confused there, but he is working and healthy, isn't that I wanted for him, then why it pained a little that he didn't even notice me there, I was just a little away from him.
I told Neil that doesn't show his face to her unless it's a family arrangement or a professional one, today it's going to be a family one, his whole family is invited today, from morning to evening,  today is the power-packed day for Goenka's
From morning there is been a pooja is in goneka's house , for my recovery and my return to the hospital from Tommorow onwards , and for vansh bhaiya success,  his YouTube channel cross 5 millions subscribers,  that leads to his offer of work under one prestigious channel , where they provide him and his crew , a location for video shoot and to stay , a location basically is a villa , with good lighting and all the shooting equipments and also salaries apart from what they earn per video,  they even going to sponsor their future trips , this was a great offer and success for vansh bhaiya,  so this pooja is also for him , later in day time , we organize a charity lunch for poor and unprivliged,  where me and vansh bhaiya going to serve them as we can , because that's also for us and then in evening,  their is party , where all the friends  and others relatives are coming , if not in pooja or temple , Neil has to come in this party,  because from there vansh bhaiya will taking his crew and friends party to the villa , where they are giving house warming party , offcourse I was also invited there , but I said no , since socializing is really not my thing , I have to join the hospital the other day
For now, it's about time for others to wake up, I have been up early, did some study and exercise,  since it helps me control my body's urges to eat more, and helps me sleep, because nothing can cure my trouble sleeping pattern, at first I have taken the prescribed medicine,  later I have been taking some I hidden for sleeping,  not daily but sometimes, they help me sleep, and I have to take them secretly since my family won't understand that what's the reason behind my trouble sleeping because I am unable to understand that. Was I really that messed up,  or it just in my head, why did I pulled myself from Neil,  why I pushed him away, is it because of him or me, I think for whatever reason it is, he deserves a good life, and me being anyone's life won't do good, so while looking at the mirror, I forced a smile, means I am ready for the day, although not for the night, for that, I need another energy booster or fake smile, for now, let's get on with puja