𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐔𝐃𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐋𝐘, 𝐒𝐀𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑.
♥︎♥︎♥︎
Beverly experiences a flood of memories when she is under cryo. Every sensation from her past - touch, smell, tear, kiss, and emotion-resurfaces in exactly the same form. S...
My wrapped hands punch the bag, it swinging from the ceiling harshly. Peggy circles me, carefully watching my every move and occasionally changing my position and movements. The gym is empty, everyone else had finished their workouts and Peggy kept me over hours to better my stance.
"Okay, stop." She holds the punching bag, stopping it from moving. "What's going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"There is something clearly on your mind, what is it?" She asks.
I stop moving, looking down at the floor. I contemplate telling her everything. Telling her that I am slowly having second thoughts about starting this job. I just don't think I am worthy. All the other agents are men, strong, and smart. I am none of those things. Peggy tells me I am worthy, but I just don't see it.
And to top it all off, Steve and I aren't copying very well. He gets occasional memories of Bucky, suddenly thrown into a fit of depression. The smallest of things remind him of Bucky, and it is very hard to distract him. I've become a distraction for him, but most of the time, it doesn't work.
And me. My mind has been all over the place. I don't remember the last full night's sleep I got. The small things don't suddenly remind me of Bucky, because I am always thinking of him. He is non-stop on my mind. I miss his funny jokes, his broad smile, and the way he makes me feel. I miss him. And I don't know when I will see him next. Or if I will ever see him again.
"I have a lot on my mind right now, that's all." I frown. "And I can't stop thinking about it."
"That's why we are here, Beverly. Take all your frustration out on the punching bag. Sometimes anger can motivate our actions, and it helps. It definitely helps on the battlefield."
I nod my head, getting back into the fighting stance. I keep nodding my head, motivating and readying myself to continue. Even when I don't have trust in myself, Peggy does. She sees me as worthy, and for now, that can be enough. I just need to give hope to myself. I punch the bag, and it swings harder. As I continue to punch, I think of all the things holding me back from getting far. I think of my self-doubt, a thing that I have had for years. I believe it was brought onto me by my mother and father, they never had any hope in me, so I grew to never have any hope in myself. I think of Steve, and how angry I am that he is affected. Out of everyone I know, he doesn't deserve any ounce of pain that he feels. And I think of Bucky. I'm angry at the world and that they forced him to fight on the front lines. I'm angry that he could potentially get hurt and never return back to me. I'm angry that I and Steve aren't there fighting with him.
I continue to punch, powering all my emotions in my strength and fists. Peggy fixes my stance a couple of times, holding my waist to ensure that I am doing it right. She smiles as she circles me, her arms crossed. The punching bag swings so far that it almost comes off the hook, nearly landing on the floor across the room. Peggy holds the bag, stopping me from breaking it.
"Well done. I knew you could do it." She starts unwrapping my hands. "Take a short break, I'll be teaching you to fight properly soon."
♥︎♥︎♥︎
The past few days have been packed with fighting, training, and sweat. Peggy has been keeping me on my toes, constantly changing her training and surprising me. Today, she taught me how to jump on someone's shoulders, swing around, and push them to the ground. I wasn't successful to start with, but I got it in the end.
That has been my past few days, not understanding it at first, but nailing it towards the end. Peggy stops our training, sitting us on the bench and handing me water. I sip it along with wiping my forehead with a towel, collecting all the sweat.
"You know, I was going to wait for this, but I think you are ready now," Peggy speaks up. "I think we can start training with guns."
"What?" I stop every movement.
"You heard me. I think you are ready."
"You think?"
"No, I know. I've seen how motivated you have become these past few days. Don't worry, I'll be there with you the entire time."
"Okay, I'll do it." I smile nervously.
"Great, follow me."
We stand from the bench, Peggy leading me to the gun range. She reaches into the storage, taking out a small pistol. Taking out the bullets, she hands me the gun. I suddenly become nervous, not knowing what to do with it. I hold it in my palm, Peggy looking down at it weirdly, silently telling me that I am holding it wrong. I don't need her to tell me that, I already know. It feels foreign in my hands, me never being one for unwarranted violence.
Peggy takes out her own pistol, the bullets still in the handle. She aims at the target on the wall, quickly and confidently shooting a few times. Each bullet hits the red circle in the middle of the target, she made it look dead easy. She stands closer to me, holding my hand over the gun and showing me how to aim. I close my eye, seeing the muzzle of the gun aiming at the target. She gives me a few tips on how to shoot and the importance of safety, and me mentally taking each note in carefully.
"Now, time to shoot." Peggy smiles.
"What, now? I thought we would use bullets when I'm confident about it."
"You are, I know it. You can do it, just follow every word I said." Peggy is adamant.
I place the pistol back into my hand properly, aiming at the target again. The room falls silent, Peggy and I concentrating on the target. My hands shake nervously, and me having to hold my hands over the gun to stop the trembling. I take a deep breath, my pointer finger slowly applying pressure onto the trigger. The banging sound suddenly goes off, the bullet firing out the muzzle and aiming for the target. It hits the wood, almost perfectly hitting the centre. With a little more help, I can be a master at it.
"You know, for a newbie, you are a very fast learner." Peggy beams. "You should be proud of yourself, Beverly."
She takes the gun from my hands, putting mine and hers back into storage. Guiding me out of the room, she hugs my side, smiling up at me. I reciprocate the smile, happy and proud of my achievements. We walk back into the gym, grab our bags and stroll through the lobby. She walks me to the secret entrance, waiting for the cashier to open the door on the other side.
"You have a long way to go, Beverly. But, you are worth every second. We can really make something out of you."
