Tainted Desires | 18+

42 - Drugs

Mirabelle Morrison

Days had passed since that fateful encounter at the theatre, yet the emotional numbness persisted within me. It was as if a protective shield had wrapped around my heart, shielding it from further pain.

The numbness became a shield, a self-imposed barrier that protected me from the overwhelming waves of emotions crashing against the shores of my heart. It was easier to stay numb, to bury the pain deep within, than to confront the rawness of my shattered expectations.

The routine of daily life continued, but everything felt different. Everything around me seemed to have lost its vibrancy, as if the colours had faded and the sounds had become muffled. The once familiar sights and sounds of the city now appeared distant and disconnected. Even the routines and activities I had always engaged in now felt empty and mundane, unable to fill the void that had settled in my heart, as if they were merely going through the motions.

Everyone's voices seemed distant, muffled by the veil of numbness that enveloped me. It was difficult to articulate the depth of what I was feeling, the mix of longing, hurt, and confusion that lay within. Sensing my new behaviour, they all seemed to have gotten the memo and walked quietly around me.

Every morning felt the same. I would wake up, momentarily forgetting the weight of my emotions, only to be reminded as the reality settled in. It felt like a dream, a nightmare from which I couldn't escape.

My two destinations were work and home. They became the pillars of my existence, the constants in a world that seemed uncertain and surreal. At work, I mechanically went through my tasks, my mind often drifting away, lost in the labyrinth of my thoughts.

Since Emily left for Canada, home offered a respite from the outside world, a sanctuary where I could retreat and confront my emotions in solitude. The familiar surroundings provided a sense of comfort, yet even within the confines of my own space, the numbness persisted. I found solace in the silence, seeking refuge in the stillness of my thoughts.

Time became both a friend and an enemy. Each passing day carried the weight of the Sunday evening.

It had been a week of deliberate silence and distance. A week since I last saw Terrence, since I last heard his voice or read his messages. The absence of his presence left an ache in my heart, a constant reminder of the void he had once filled.

But the truth was, I missed him. Dearly. My body ached with a longing to feel his touch, to hear his voice whispering in my ear. The past two days felt like torture. It was as if the absence of his presence had ignited a fire within me, a yearning that consumed my thoughts and desires.

I had resorted to touching myself whenever my body shuddered out of emptiness. My mind would wander to memories of him fucking me, the intensity of my orgasms. The loneliness I felt was overwhelming, and my body craved the touch that only Terrence could provide. I could almost pretend that Terrence's hands were the ones caressing my skin, that his voice was the one whispering seductive words in my ear.

But as the pleasure ebbed away, reality would come crashing back. My mind, clouded by desire and longing, would wander to the painful possibility of Terrence's intimacy with Eloise. The images that brought pleasure would sting with a sharp pang of jealousy and sadness.

I needed one more doze.

The decision to see him felt both impulsive and necessary. I needed to know if what we had was merely physical, a continuation of the tension we had years ago, or if there was something deeper, something worth fighting for.

Without thinking about anything else, I picked up my car key and phone and walked out of my house. The crisp evening air greeted me as I stepped out into the world, my heart racing with a mix of anticipation and uncertainty.