Thought it was Khayr✅

Chapter 45: Thought it was Khayr

Song of chapter: Escapism by RAYE

DISCLAIMER⚠️: if you're not 18, kindly skip this chapter. Description of suicide, sexual assault, cursing, depression and anxiety. I repeat. If sensitive, kindly skip this chapter. You're forewarned.

Khayr's POV

It was planned from the very beginning.

Sharhabila and Sul.

They go way back, probably even before we got married. That trip to Lagos was never for me; it's only now that I'm realising. That trip was for her.

Sul was apparently frustrated about this marriage which he was most definitely forced into, so he wanted to go to a place to cool off ASAP. What better place than his whore's?

But who'd force him into marrying me? Not my family, I'm certain. My father is a proud man. He's proud of us; his pretty girls and boys. He wouldn't just go shoving us at any man out there. Anyone my dad recommends to us is most definitely a man who brought himself. My father is not a man who initiates things like that.

Even Sul. I'm certain. He came to look for my hand in marriage on his own. No one from my family forced or suggested anything to him.

Why then would he be so frustrated, especially at something he chose himself?

I'm able to join the dots now. It's all making sense now.

Sul played with my mind big time in Lagos. He lied about being in Ibadan. He lied about wanting to use his time to work too. During all of those times he was neglecting me, he was actually spending time with her. She was even coming to our hotel regularly. That was why i was able to bump into her that one time, and also at the funfair. I should've known earlier... The other day at the funfair, if i had waited when she told me that her "fiancee" was coming, i would've discovered the truth.

What would it change though, even if i had known?

Hell even now that i know, i don't know what to do.

I don't know what the hell i should do.

"Yes, you're worthless, Khayr.
Yes. This marriage is worthless.
Yes. I don't love you Khayr."

"I've never loved you. I can never. I've never and i will never"

Now I'm getting to understand Sul. He likes his bitch. He likes her so freaking much. He was those kind of men that their heart only capacitates one woman's love. That's why no matter what i did, Sul never saw me in the better light.

Even though, why didn't he save the trouble for himself by not marrying me? 'Cause why marry me to be doing something that's highly haraam undercover?

Even though.

We both loved different individuals before ending up with each other. But what was expected of us to do after Allah fated for us to end up together? Isn't it to accept our fate? Isn't it to adhere to our destiny? Isn't that what i did?

I'm the one he's supposed to love like that. I'm the one he's supposed to hold like that. Because what's between us is islamically and lawfully legal.

Didn't i also had someone i loved? Didn't i also had to make a sacrifice? Why didn't I continue chasing after Abdul Hameed after my marriage?

I can't believe how me that's younger than Sul with seven good years is able to face reality so easily while he's busy being delusional.

Isn't he also the reason why i couldn't end up with Abdul Hameed too?