A/N: Guys I knew I took forever, sorry for that I was busy with like and wasn't motivated enough to write.
Peter's pov
After bidding farewell to my brothers, I couldn't return to sleep. They are gone, all three together. I hate myself... I hate how I am so attached to them... I shouldn't be. I am just making it hard on everyone around me, not just for me. I am big enough to live without them. I should stop acting like a baby here... I am fucking 16.
" Pete?" Mom barged into my room
" Mom!"
" Are you still awake? I thought you returned to sleep."
" I couldn't."
" Let's help you to sleep then." She smiled and joined me in the bed
She pulled me to her and I happily wrapped my arms around her.
" How are you feeling?"
" I don't know."
" C'mon mom's baby, I know you can describe your feelings well."
" Empty."
" Because your brothers are not here?"
" Because I feel I am nothing without them."
" Why do you feel that way?"
" I don't know mom, maybe because I am always the center of attention when they are here? I am shocked with this much love I am getting? Maybe traumatized from losing people too."
" I can understand."
" I am anxious and overwhelmed by all those emotions... They came suddenly, I can't wrap my mind about it. I feel vulnerable and I sometimes do stuff which is not like me. I hate myself. I feel so disappointed too but I can't help it."
" It's not easy adjusting to all this, It's not easy for me either. We can't control our emotions but rather we can control our actions. You can stop acting biased on your feelings, like take a moment to be reasonable and I am sure you will do the right thing."
" You are right." I planted my head into her shoulder as she played with my hair," Mommy?"
" Yeah?"
" Can I tell you a secret?"
" Always." She kissed my temple
" I am so scared. I still see my friends getting beaten to death. They killed Wendy in front of my eyes, she was just 5. Rodger died too covering for me, he was like an older brother, he sneaked his money into my pocket to not put me in trouble." Breathing slowly started to become the hardest thing to do,
" Pete, enough! That was before. You are still holding that pain?"
" I can't forget! I still see them in my nightmares."
" You won't lose your brothers. The Blackstone is done."
" They are, but danger is not done, mom. It keeps me insecure and scared."
" Nothing will happen, baby. There is a saying, ' the stuff we fear the most are more likely to happen' so don't overthink about it and enjoy your time with them."
" I love them and I fear losing them."
" I feel you, baby. It's hard!" She kissed my temple again
" I love you, mom."
" I love you too."
We can postpone being big to later. A cuddle with mom won't hurt anyone.
I woke up when Dest was shaking me.
