My Lion. || BXB

chapter thirty-four

lionel and i haven't spoken all day, which is a massive inconvenience for me as i was supposed to be sleeping at his house tonight. although thats not whats truly bothering me. i like lionel, i really do. i don't want him to be mad at me. i don't ever want to make him angry.

but every time i saw him in the hallways, he would either walk the opposite way or i was with my friends so i couldn't go talk to him. i was longing for lunchtime as i could then try slip away to go see him.

currently, i was in english class with cormac and we were listening to what this rubbish teacher was blabbering on about. since my last detention, i didn't dare to get another one since it was just so boring. after all, i did say i wanted to try my best this year to get good grades to impress my father — but now i don't see the point of that.

oh crap, my father. i suppose i had pushed the thought of him to the back of my mind and distracted myself with other things such as lionel. what was i going to do? he was my dad, i had to go back to that house eventually. sure, i could couch surf for a week or so but i would run out of places to go soon. but how could i go back there? how could i look at him the same after he tried to 'fix' me for being gay? that isn't the man i grew up with, that isn't the man that raised me, that isn't my father.

the lesson went by pretty quickly and i spent it all thinking about what i was going to do. i came to the conclusion that — i had no idea.

it was now lunchtime and i was walking with cormac to our usual table. "all i'm saying is, i'm excited!" he was talking about us all meeting his girlfriend after school, he hadn't shut up about it all day.
"where was it, again?"
"my house, hunter! you better be there at 5!" he pressed a finger to my chest as we approached the table and i laughed at his eagerness.
"what are we talking about?" freddie asked.
"meeting clare later today! gosh wake up, you lot!" cormac groaned, facepalming as he spat his words.
"we'll be there, cormac don't worry." nick reassured him kindly, running a hand down his shoulder.

"hey, i need to go to the loo." i said, standing up from the table. "be back in a min."
"alright, see ya!" i heard mickey say, and i nodded with a smile. freddie caught my eye and he furrowed his eyebrows at me, it was almost as if he knew something was going on but i just smiled sweetly back at him before walking off.

i sprinted down the hallways, not wanting to take too long, and rushed towards the fields where i knew he'd be. the long grass grazed against my legs as i ran through the field.

"lionel!" i shouted through the trees, unsure of where to go from here. lionel always led the way when i got to the forest entry, so i was a bit stuck. thankfully, i heard someone walking towards me.
"what are you doing here?" lionel ran a hand through his dark red hair, looking at me uncomfortably.
my eyes flickered down his face, and then landed back at his eyes. "i wanted to see you."
i watched him sigh, but he grabbed onto my hand and led me through the forest nonetheless.

after we got to the familiar clearing, we sat together on the log and i waited for a moment before speaking. "i'm sorry for pushing you earlier. i was just mad."
"no— i'm sorry for threatening to punch you. i hope you know i'd never do that to you, huntley." his thumb caressed my palm slowly and i let out a sigh, not responding. "you do know that right? i'd never hurt you."
"...you seemed pretty mad.."
"but nothing would ever make me mad enough to hurt you huntley, please you have to believe me." i watched his eyes beg for forgiveness, and i softened at his words.

"i believe you, lionel." i leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips, "i'm sorry for being annoying."
"you were right." he sighed, looking down and biting his lip. "i'm worried about people finding out too, but not for the reason you think. sure, i like girls flirting with me because it makes me feel wanted. but i like being popular and stuff, i feel powerful and envied. and i guess i'm worried if this comes out... people won't appreciate me anymore. i—i just don't want to be alone."
"lionel..." i sighed, pulling his body into a tight embrace. i shoved my head into his chest and breathed in his smell. "you can't think like that, love. trust me, people appreciate you. i appreciate you."

i watched his face shrivel and look into my eyes. his face was sad, if that makes sense. i've never seen lionel look so vulnerable.

he stood up from the log and dragged me up with him, pressing his lips to mine harshly. i huffed surprisingly but reluctantly kissed him back. i closed my eyes but felt lionel pushing me backwards and soon enough my back was pressed against a tree and lionel was kissing my neck harshly. "lionel.." i whispered, knowing we probably shouldn't be doing this when he was so vulnerable.

his hands started to undo the buttons of my shirt and i let out a moan as his tongue traced up my jawine and back to my lips — snogging me roughly. my fists clenched as i kissed him back with lust dripping from my lips. fuck.

i, somewhat, tried to push him slowly away with my pulled fists but he ignored my efforts and shoved his tongue further down my throat. i couldn't speak, i couldn't move, i couldn't think.

his fingers trailed upon my chest and opened my shirt fully. his hand landed on my neck and tightened, i couldn't help but let out a yelp at that. as soon as he retrieved his tongue i spoke loudly, "lionel stop." and he did.

i watched him back away, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. "lionel..." i leant down onto my knees, catching my breath.
"we can't do this now, not when you're like this." but when i turned to look at him again, his back was now facing me. "lionel." i spoke again, but he didn't look at me. i moved towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder but i felt him quickly shove me off.

"don't." he spoke, but his voice was high pitched and wobbly. i heard him sniffle, and shit he was crying... i knew i kinda had to go back to my table to see my friends and make sure they weren't suspecting anything, but i couldn't leave him when he was like this. lionel was hurting, and i needed him to be okay.

"come here." i mumbled, slowly raising a hand to his waist but was met with the same outcome.
"huntley, i said don't." he growled, but i heard the sadness portraying in his voice.
my eyes furrowed at his stubbornness, "let me be here for you."
"i can't..."
"you can."

and after a moment of silence, i watched lionel slowly turn his body to face me. i glanced at his puffy eyes, his red cheeks and his wet tears streaming down his face. my heart broke. wordlessly, my arms made their way to his body and pulled us together comfortingly.

today, i learnt something new about lionel. he was truly terrified of being alone.