My Lion. || BXB

chapter fifteen.

i had just got home, freddie dropped me off at my door and he didn't say anything else. i think he knew i needed some time to just think, since he knows what its like.

when i entered the door, my dad was there waiting for me. i know i smelt of a alcohol, but i wasn't drunk. after all, i only had one beer.

my dad greeted me as soon as i entered the room, "huntley, hi." he said charmingly.
"hey dad." i responded, nodding to him. "before you ask, yeah my day was fine but i just want to go to sleep." i know that may have sounded rude, but after that emotionally draining day i don't have it in me to sit down for a conversation and pretend i had a good day.

he looked at me with a frown, but nodded nonetheless and i then made my way upstairs to my room. i unbuttoned my school shirt and looked at my self in the mirror. the countless amount of hickeys trailing down my neck was crazy, i couldn't help but wonder if my dad saw. my hair was still ruffled and my lips were bruised. i think it was quite obvious i had been kissing someone so i'm just glad my dad didn't ask.

i took off my school trousers and got into bed in my boxers, letting out a deep breath after my head hit the pillow. i was exhausted. thats a fucking crazy day if i ever experienced one.

i said to myself, maybe if i just gave into temptations once and get it out my system i'd be done. but i knew i wasn't done, i was far from it. now that i know what it feels like to be kissed so passionately by lionel, i know i won't ever be the same again. i want him, i want him so bad and i know it.

but what does that mean for me?

i'm not gay. i've never liked boys before, so what changed? i suppose it's not really a bad thing for me, it's just different.

and if it's true that marianna is interested in me, that'll just make me feel even more guilty because i'll have to disappoint her.

wait...

wait.

if i'm gay, IF i'm gay. am i supposed to tell people? am i supposed to go around in pink clothes? am i supposed to go get my nails done? thats what all the gay people do on tv shows... hmm. maybe i'll ask freddie?

whatever, for now i just want to sleep. i'll deal with it all tomorrow, i'll deal with him tomorrow.

when i woke up the next morning, my pillow was still stained with my tears from the previous night. turns out, its a lot easier to say   'i just want to sleep' than to actually just sleep.

i dragged my fatigued body out of bed, and glanced at my appearance in the mirror. my lips were no long swollen which was a relief as i couldn't be bothered to deal with any conspiracies today. my neck looked like i had been absolutely attacked last night — which i was. i groaned to myself, knowing my school shirt wouldn't be able to hide the hickeys. after buttoning my shirt i decided chucking on a hoodie would be a good idea to try hide the marks, so i grabbed a dark red hoodie from my closet and threw it over my head. thankfully, the marks were no longer in vision.

after putting on my school trousers, brushing my teeth, washing my face and styling my hair i was finally ready for the school day. after all, it was hump day today! also known as wednesday...

after making my way downstairs, i saw my dad sitting at the dining table with his morning brew in one hand and his newspaper.
"morning, huntley." he said to me as i entered the room.
"hi dad." a yawn sneakily escaped my mouth as i sat down opposite him.
"so, you had a good night last night then?" he asked and i felt my cheeks going pink. well, he obviously saw the hickeys last night then.

i awkwardly chuckled at him, "yeah. yeah i suppose i did." and i did for the most part, it was just the aftermath that ruined it.
"well, tell me about her." ah. her.

"sorry dad i'm gonna be late, maybe later." i said while getting to my feet and tucking the chair in. "see you after school dad."
"alright, bye son." he chuckled to me, rolling his eyes playfully. if only he knew...

i knew that i was definitely not ready to tell my dad about lionel, or me. i think, before i do anything i want to talk to freddie about it. maybe he can help me out a bit? i don't know, this is all confusing. i just hope i don't see lionel today, i can't deal with the humiliation right now.

remembering the events of last night, i'm so embarrassed. i remember begging him to keep kissing me. how fucking embarrassing. who even am i? i have no idea anymore.