My Lion. || BXB

chapter thirty-three.

lionel and i made our way towards the school gates, but i profusely told him to go walk away from me as my friends would be waiting outside the gates. i knew they'd find out about my relationship eventually, but i just wanted a bit more time where it was just lionel and me. i wanted more time where we didn't have to worry about the opinions or problems of anyone else. i wanted him, i certainly didn't want to be worrying about my friends at this moment.

he huffed, "can i see you after school? are you staying at my house again?"
"i don't wanna be a burden—"
"hunter for gods sake you won't be a burden, you're my boyfriend— i mean.."

my eyes widened. i wasn't his boyfriend.. we had never discussed labels before.
"stop looking at me like that huntley— bloody hell." he forced a laugh and i watched him watch me. i realise i probably did have a very shocked and concerned face on, so i shuffled into a more neutral look.
"sorry— i just.. we've never spoken about being in an actual relationship." i stated, holding onto his hand and stopping us both. we were getting to close to the school. we were going to be spotted. his eyebrows furrowed at me, but didn't mention me halting us two.

"would that be such a bad thing?"
"no! of course not." i quickly said, "all i'm saying is we've never clarified it."
and his next words made my skin turn pale with surprise. "thats true. but maybe this is me clarifying it."
"what?"
"i want you to be my boyfriend..."

i didn't respond, how could i? isn't this a bit fast? we've only been involved for a few weeks and i haven't really had a proper relationship before. what if i fuck it up? what if i hurt him? i don't know what i'm doing!

"you don't seem interested..." he mumbled, glancing down at his shoes but forcing a laugh to try seem unbothered.
"i am interested!" i shout quickly, "lionel i promise i am. i just— i've never done this before, okay?"
"i understand." he shrugs, looking up at me. "so what do you want to do?"
"well..." i pondered for a moment.

"can't we just continue like this? things between us are so perfect, i don't want to ruin it."
"yeah, you're right." he nodded, letting out a sigh. he didn't seem particularly pleased but didn't say anything more. i held my head low before i spoke up again. i knew i was already on thin ice with lionel, i didn't want to make him mad at me, but i needed to speak my truth. "can i walk ahead?" a mumbled made its way out my mouth.

"for fucks sake hunter—"
"i'm sorry lionel i just need to tell them—"
"no, just go."
"lio—"
he grabbed onto my wrist, and for the first time ever i actually felt hurt by him. "go." he said sternly, and i knew better than to argue. i let my head fall as he released my wrist and i walked away from him.

but as i was heading away from lionel, something snapped inside me and caused me to halt. i took in a deep breath and turned back to face him, i watched him scowl at me. i groaned, walking back towards him, anger coursing through my veins by now.
"you know what, no! you don't get to make me feel bad for wanting this to be a secret when i know you don't want anyone to know anymore than i do!" i shouted and watched as lionel flinched back at my unexpected words. me fiddled with his fingers subtly before letting out a sigh, "just leave hunter."

but i wasn't going to give over that easy. "why? because you know i'm right? admit it, you're just as worried about this getting out as i am! you know everyone will have something to say about it, you'll hate everyone not flaunting over you anymore after they realise you're a fucking queer."
"shut your mouth, hunter." i stared as he clenched his fists fiercely. he wouldn't hit me. would he?

"you don't own me lionel. thats not what this is, you're not my superior here."
"but you don't mind sucking me off? you sure are on your knees alot for someone who is my equal—" he folded his arms, and i blushed at his blunt words. i racked my brain for a response, but i was thoughtless. "exactly, so calm down before i shut you up myself."
"what, you gonna kiss me? infront of all these people? you'll be too embarrassed." i scoffed. by this point, i was too angry with him to care about being irrational.

i knew i was probably taking this too far, but i believed i was right. why is he making me feel guilty for wanting to keep this secret, when he wants the same thing? he's just less vocal about it but i know it'd affect him if this got out.

"i'll fucking punch you if you don't watch your mouth." his eyes narrowed, and mine grew wider as i started to doubt his care for me. maybe he would actually punch me...
"you wouldn't..." i muttered, my anger now slowly disappearing and turning into fear. i've seen what lionel is like in fights... would he actually do that to me?
he spat, "walk away, huntley." and i did.

i turned and didn't look back. i strode straight over to my friend group, who were all at the gates by now.
"hey hunter!" they all greeted me, and i smiled back to them while taking deep, yet subtle breaths.

"so hunts, whats this about you liking cock?" mickey said surprisingly, and my eyes widened as i felt blood rush to my cheeks.
"bit of a weird way to phrase its mick." cormac laugh, and everyone-else did so i joined in reluctantly.

"i don't bloody know what to say—" he rolled his eyes.
"how about, 'yo hunter is it true you're gay?' i think that's a more subtle approach." freddie giggled, covering his teeth while doing so.
"guys chill, its alright. yes mick, i like cock." and after mick heard me giggling i could see him relax slightly. he was clearly worried he had offended me, which he hadn't. i knew i would get some gay jokes in this friend group, but that's what makes me feel accepted so i don't really mind. after all, i do like cock.