My Lion. || BXB

chapter twenty-four.

regret was an emotion i never really wanted to come across. i wanted to live life with no regrets; but when i told lionel me and him were done that's the only emotion i could feel.

"what?" he responded, his eyes wider than ever before. "but i said i'll—"
my gaze hardened at him, trying so hard to keep my guard up and sound angry, but fuck i wasn't angry. not one bit. "it doesn't matter. lionel— you don't get it. i've never had friends before, ever. i can't fuck it up."

"and what about me?" he said, and my head tilted in confusion. "i make you feel things you've never felt before, i know it." he said, grabbing onto my waist and pushing me up the wall. "you know i'm right."

speechless, thats what i was. speechless because he was right, and speechless because we were so close. his head was tilted down at me, our breath mixing as every minute passed. his nose brushed against mine and our hair mashed together. blonde and red, a truly beautiful combination.

"say i'm right." he stated, "say it."
"lionel stop... please just let me go." i begged despite knowing i sounded absolutely pathetic.
"just say it once and i'll stop. say that you feel it too, put me at ease, and i'll stop."

"i..." hesitation filled my bones. "i feel it too, lion..." he smiled slightly, but it wasn't a happy smile. it was full of dread and despair. "i feel all of it." and he seemed satisfied as he slowly slid his hands off my waist, where they had been multiple times before, and took a step back.

"then okay. if you can't do this, i get it." he mumbled. "but if you ever change your mind... it'll never be too late."
"don't say that."
"why?"
"because it makes it sound like you'll wait."
"i will wait."

"no. that's not what i want. i want you to go find someone else. go snog that pretty blonde girl tonight at harvey's party, please. you shouldn't wait for someone when you don't know if they will definitely come back." reason didn't matter when it came to lionel, i knew that. when he had his mind set on something i knew there was no changing it. maybe that's why he said he'll wait for me.

"i do know you'll come back." he said simply before taking another step back, and then another, and before i knew it he was walking wordlessly down the hallway and further and further away from me.

i leaned back against the wall, trying to regain my breath. i hoped to god i would get over this silly infatuation soon because i couldn't bare the feeling i currently had in my chest.

"SO BOYS, WHO IS GONNA GET PISSED TONIGHT?" isaac yelled as the six of us all jogged over to harvey's house for the party. i was the first one to respond, because fuck i was so in need for a drink.
"ME. GOD ME, PLEASE."
"ME TOO!" nick shouted with an enthusiastic grin on his face.
"count me in." mickey said while smirking mercilessly.

freddie pulled gently on my shoulder, making himself and i walk behind the group but they were all too excited to notice.
"you okay?" he asked, and i shuddered at the memory of today.
"of course i am." a forced smile was plastered onto my face, but freddie just raised one of his eyebrows in suspicion.
"something happened." he stated bluntly, "tell me."
i groaned, looking ahead to the lit up house that was only a few steps away. "i can't talk about it freddie. if i do, i'll cry."

"so something did happen? with lionel?" he said, whispering the last part.
"yes, happy now? leave it freddie. please."
"okay. okay fine." he sighed. "but you're telling me all about it tomorrow."
"whatever." and then freddie and i followed cormac into the kitchen to get some drinks.

"PASS ME A BEER!" i shouted over the loud music, and cormac instantly chucked one to me which i caught and instantly took a swig. the taste was immaculate.

"WHO'S READY TO DANCE?" freddie screamed over the music, placing a hand on my shoulder and leading us all into the living room. all of our bodies started automatically swaying with the music and i felt all my worries disappear. this is what i wanted from life. i wanted friends, i wanted parties and i wanted alcohol. i was done with the tears and sleepless nights, absolutely done.

i don't know when that night turned into that morning, all i knew is when i checked my phone it was half one in the morning but most of the people were still dancing. truthfully, a good amount had passed out and were hogging the sofas but not me or any of my friends. we were still going strong.

"I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT!" nick sang strongly along to the infamous katy perry song.
"TASTES OF HER CHERRY CHAPSTICK!" cormac finished while grabbing nick and throwing him into the air before catching him once again. i burst out laughing at the sight, a grin staining my lips.

moments later, i tapped on freddies shoulder, "I NEED A PISS!"
"UPSTAIRS, TO THE RIGHT I THINK?!" he yelled back at me and i nodded in understanding before dancing my way through the crowd. i almost slipped on the stairs due to my intoxicated state but i tried to power through.

eventually i was upstairs and opened the first door to my right; and funnily enough it was actually a bathroom. i chucked myself in the room, not bothering to lock it and instantly dropped my trousers down and did my business. afterwards, i pulled my trousers back up and washed my hands. then i started the adventure to go back downstairs.

unfortunately, as soon as i exited the bathroom, i felt my legs give way and all i saw was blackness. what a night to remember, (or not?).