My Lion. || BXB

chapter fifty-five.

life was good. i had a new and improved friend group, i had a boyfriend, i had a good relationship with my father. after so much shit, things were starting to be positive for once in my life.

lionel and i had started going on dates pretty frequently now. i had met his family — as his boyfriend. he also bought me flowers, last week, and i returned the favour earlier this week. we were like a happily married old couple and i couldn't be happier. he didn't fight mickey anymore, and he started to be less bothered about his image and reputation. we were still a secret at school, as far as any of them lot knew we were just a couple of besties. little did they know, our 'friendship' included date nights, sex and most importantly; love.

i had never been in love before, but now i can understand why people describe it as the best emotion. the bad bits can be horrible, they can make you question if it's even worth it at all. but then you get over the rough patch and the good parts are simply too good to give up. being in love makes one feel alive. it makes someone fiery and whole, which is an experience i wish upon everyone.

i did love my new friends too, but of course in a different way. sometimes i wonder what my old friends were up too; i wonder if freddie ever had a succesful date with the boy he showed me at that party so many weeks ago, i wonder if cormac and claire are still together, i wonder if nick ever found anyone, or mickey, or isaac. i do miss them, how could i not? they were my best friends for weeks. but they ditched me, and i don't think i can ever see them the same way as i used too.

besides, my current friend group are lovely. jacob and i are as close as ever, sometimes he and i would go off and hang out just the two of us. other times we'd be with marianna, penny and elise; which i also enjoyed. all of us were so different but i think thats why we're such an exciting group of people when put together.

i'm happy, and i don't think anything can ruin that at the moment.

"huntley!" my father shouted from downstairs,
"yeah?"
"lionel's here to see you!" and i instantly jumped out of bed in excitement. racing down the stairs, i watched my feet to make sure i didn't slip before grasping onto the door handle and letting the sight of my boyfriend overload my mind.

but something was off. lionel looked different, he looked upset. his cheeks were a rosey-pinky colour and his eyes were fixated on the floor.
"lio?" i spoke calmly, taking a step towards him and putting my hands on his neck to lift his head up slightly. "what's wrong?"
"i—i called my dad." my eyes widened with shock, but quickly pulled him into a hug. i knew lionel hadn't spoken to his father in years, so this explains why he's emotional.

"come with me," i grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to my bedroom for some privacy. "what happened?" i asked after we were both seated and in a safe space.
"it wasn't bad.. i don't know why i'm fucking crying!" he snapped, not at me but at himself. i watched him smack his thigh in rage.
"hey!" i shouted back at him, "don't you dare do that." i held his hand. "you're crying because you just spoke to your father, lio. your father whom you haven't spoken too in years. you're allowed to be a bit overwhelmed, love."

he shook his head, "not me. i'm not like this. i hate this." i watched as he refused to look at me, almost as if he was ashamed to feel sadness.
my heart wrenched, "what did he say, lionel?"

"i only really called for enzo's number. i just wanted to speak to my brother but as soon as i heard his voice i started tearing up. i've missed him so much and i hate myself for it. he left us, why do i miss that bastard?!"
"because he's your dad." i gave him a half-hearted smile. he turned to look up at me, returning it with even less effort so it couldn't really be called a smile but i understood what he meant.

"i hate him." he stated,
"i know."
lionel shook his head, "but i miss him."
"i understand."
"please just kiss me." but when he started to lean in rather quickly, i pulled back and placed a hand on his chest. lionel seems to do this often, whenever something is upsetting him or his mind is clouded, he seems to try to fix the problem by avoiding it and distracting himself. but i won't let him go on thinking that's healthy, because it simply isn't.

i gently pushed him backwards, "lionel, no. we can talk about these things. you don't have to mask your emotions with me, i'm your boyfriend."
he sighed and told me that he didn't want to and that he wasn't used to speaking about serious topics with anyone. i know he grew up as the black sheep in his family. i know he believes his sister is more important than him due to her accomplishments, and i'll always hold a grudge against his mother for letting him grow up thinking he is any less than her.

"it's okay to cry lionel. it's okay to feel upset. i've got you, just let it all out, my love." and then, he did.