My Lion. || BXB

chapter fifty-eight.

i hadn't been able to stop think about cormac and his stupid apology. i missed him, as much as i didn't want to admit it. and all i wanted to do right now was talk to lionel about all this. i wanted him to remind me to never forgive my friends for abandoning me, i wanted him to remind me that i'd always have him on my side. but i wasn't going to get either of them things from him as we weren't even speaking.

since our little argument this morning, i hadn't seen lionel. this probably wasn't even on purpose, it was just the reality of being in different grades at school. he was a senior, meaning he always hung somewhere different at break and lunchtime and his classes were all on a different floor to mine. the only time we'd ever see each other around school is if we made an effort, and of course right now we certainly weren't doing that. i'm not even angry at him anymore, i just want us to talk about it.

lunch time came around and i was currently in the canteen with my usual group of friends. jacob and i were laughing about elsie saying she wanted to shave her head, whereas mari and penny were egging her on to do it.
"i'm not saying you'd look bad with no hair but—" my words cut off at the sound of jacob wheezing in my ear. we both collapsed into another fit of giggles but thankfully the girls joined in so they knew we were only joking.

"when i randomly show up to school with no hair i expect full support!" elsie stomped on the floor in a light-hearted manner which only made jake and i laugh more. we were full on hysterically crying at this point, it really wasn't the time to get interrupted.

i felt a tap on my shoulder and turned my head, steadying my laughter as i explored. there stood my ex-bestfriend looking rather out of place. he nodded his head to the hallway, "can we talk?" cormac asked. i side-eyed jacob for some guidance but he just shook his head, so i turned back to cormac and nodded awkwardly.

he watched me get up from the table i was sitting at and then we both walked out the cafeteria. "so?" i instantly said, wanting to get to the bottom of whatever this was.

cormac anxiously turned his head down as he stared at our shoes, not saying anything. after a few more minutes of silence i simply couldn't take it anymore.
i begun to turn away, "if you're not going to say anything—"
"i miss you!" pause. i halted in my spot and turned back to face cormac. how could he say that? he's the one that ditched me!!

"what?"
"listen, the group hasn't been the same since you left and—"
i put my hand up to stop him, "i didn't leave, i got kicked out, remember? YOU kicked me out. how can you do a full circle and say you miss me now?" there was no way i was going to let this boy apologise his way back into my life. i was a different boy now compared to when we used to be best friends. i'm more confident now and i'm no longer afraid to stick up for myself.

he tilted his head down again in shame and silence hung uncontrollably amongst us. i knew cormac wasn't going to say anything further, he was clearly embarrassed and rightly so. "listen cormac, i'm not interested in being friends again if thats what you're trying to do here."
"but why?" he looked up and into my eyes, making me freeze on the spot. "we were best friends once, why can't we go back to that?"
"you hurt me." i said simply.
yet he just threw my reply back in my face, "you hurt me too!" he flared his arms up in frustration.

i sighed, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "i don't know what you want me to say."
cormac folded his arms; "i want you to say that you'll give me a chance to prove to you that i can be a better friend." and i just rolled my eyes at him.
"i have new friends now. friends that actually support my relationship."
but he seemed surprised at that, "you told them?" and his tone suddenly changed to more shocked than apologetic, "and they actually weren't mad?"

"no!" i snapped, finally loosing the 'cool, calm, and collected' attitude i wanted to have during this conversation. "jacob is happy for me, and mari has learnt to accept it at least. you boys couldn't even do that."
"i understand why you're mad but if you'd just let me try be your friend again... i miss you hunter."

and i just turned my head away from him, taking a deep breath. i don't understand what he expects from me even if we do 'try again'. what would that even entail?

"i don't know."
he smirked, "well that's not a 'no chance in hell' like last time, atleast!" and i couldn't help but scoff, but this time it was in a much more light-hearted way. cormac smiled at my face, under the impression he was winning me over. which; truth be told, he totally was.

cormac was probably the first best friend i've ever really had in my life. and after all he's done for me throughout our friendship, surely i can at least try get over this little blip?

"okay. we can try be friends again." i stated and i watched as his face lit up so blatantly.
he nodded to me, "good!" and i just smiled at him.

"can i walk you to school tomorrow?" he asked after regaining his cool.
i knew i usually walked with lionel, but since me and him clearly aren't on speaking terms yet again, he probably wasn't going to come walk with me. so i guess i could go with cormac instead. "alright."

i don't know if he and i will ever get back to how great our friendship used to be, but i don't mind at least trying. after all, cormac deserves my effort after all he's done for me.