Lacuna

18 | Swooning

Esme

Delilah and I sit facing the firepit in my backyard, cuddled up together under the blankets to keep warm. The sky is a mix of blue and pink hues, creating a calming, serene, feeling.

Over the past few days, Delilah has been giving me little bits and pieces of the story, but today was the real breakthrough.

Even from the grave, Cameron still has his claws in her.

She's been so hesitant about telling her story, and scared of the big change coming to her life.

"We broke up in April, you know this." I nod my head, remembering sitting in the car while she stood her ground, and told him she was done. Tears start to form in her eyes, and I slide my hand into hers. She clutches it, and wipes away her tears with her free hand.

"I was out shopping, Monet and Lewis were back in town, and I didn't want to be around them. Cameron was there as well, but he saw me before I saw him." Her voice cracks, and she quickly clears it. "I felt like someone was watching me, and I couldn't shake the feeling. It wasn't until I arrived back at my car that I realized why."

I hold my breath, afraid that the next thing she'll say is he forced her or something.

"Cameron persuaded me to 'hear him out', but I should have remembered he was never one for talking. I knew better. One minute we were in the parking lot, the next thing I know, he pushing me into the backseat of my old car." My body goes straight as a board, unbelieving that she is conforming my worst fear.

I always wondered why Delilah sold her Range Rover so fast. It was her pride and joy.

Her face is bright red- like a stop light- and her lashes are soaking wet, but she continues anyway. "I had many chances to tell you- any of you." She sniffles. "Esme, I knew deep down none of you would judge me, but I just couldn't. I've been so damn scared. Talking about becoming someone's mother and actually becoming someone's mother are two totally different-" Delilah can even get the next sentence out, as she completely shuts down. 

Running my hand through her hair in an attempt to calm her and to give her as much time as she needs to cry it out.

After a few minutes, her breathing slows down. "Dee," She lifts her head from my shoulder, her eyes red and swollen. "none of us are anything but happy for you. For as long as you let us, we will be by your side to help whenever you need. Trust me. The fact that you have been dealing with this alone for so long hurts, but I understand."

She wipes away more of her tears, and the corners of her lips pull into a soft smile. I pass her the cup of still warm tea from the table beside me, and she sips from it gingerly.

"Your baby will be so loved. I mean, she has the best aunties ever. And you are going to be an extraordinary mother."

We didn't grow up with the best role models, but I know both Delilah and Gen will give their children the love, life, and support we didn't have.

...

    I close the door behind me, making sure the click is soft enough to not wake her.

    Walking down the step, I throw my unruly curls into a bun as I'm enroute to the kitchen. Genesis turns around, starling me half to death, and chuckles when she sees my frazzled state.

"That's not funny. The way my heart stopped, a doctor would think I'm in tachycardia." She is now laughing so hard, her head falls back and hits the cabinet.

Now it's my turn to laugh. She rubs the spot that hit the cabinet with a very unhappy look.

"Are you hungry?" She asks, gesturing to the pan on the stove top.

I give her a 'you already know the answer to that' look, and she grabs the spatula, and another plate. 

Genesis takes the plates over to the breakfast nook, and I follow suit. Sitting down, my stomach grumbles at the smell of the yellow rice, baked chicken, and asparagus.

"If you're struggling to get up at 12 weeks, I'm scared to see how you'll be at 28 or something." I say when she gets back up- or tries to- because she forgot our forks. She huffs out a breath, and sits back down.

"I'll get them, chill." Gen sends me a fake smile, and I let out a real laugh when I realize I have the last word.

Sitting back at the table, I pass her a fork, and she blows me a kiss. "Why didn't you tell me you saw the phone?"

In no way, shape, or form is it her fault what happened, but I'm finding it hard to believe she didn't see the signs.

"What phone?" The confusion on her face is a clear giveaway that she in fact does not remember what I'm talking about.

"The phone they gave her to spy on Silas and I. Whoever they are." I mumble the last part, still finding it very hard to believe we're in this situation to begin with.

As if a light bulb turns on in her head, she says, "The blue one?" I nod my head once.

"When I asked her about it, she said her phone company gave her an upgrade. Who was I to think someone sent it to the house, somehow gave it to her, and asked her to spy on you with it?" Her tone sounds defensive, but I know her enough to know she is holding back her emotions.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a deep breath. Pregnancy brain is a very real thing. "Genesis... We are all on the same phone plan. If she got a new one, we all would have gotten one."

Gen throws down her fork, causing me to jump in fright. She lays her head in her hands, and I wait for her to say something, anything.