"Yearning in Silence"

1

Porchay

I am always intrigued in the Idea , of loving someone and having someone to love me in return.

I think love is beautiful
It's all about the affections, attractions, assurance, trust, kindness, care, tenderness, and happiness.

I think love is the most beautiful thing that ever existed in this world—
With all those sunshines, and rainbows.
It's just too beautiful to even take for granted,

Everyone wants love.

I want to be loved.

By Him, by my long time crush, or is it still called crush if I liked him for 4 years now?

Nevermind, it isn't worth it thinking if it's love or like, he won't reciprocate it either way.

Kim Han Theerapanyakul  this almost perfect man sitting near the window, being oh so flawless...

I remember meeting him when I transfered university, because my older Brother Phi'Porsche finally found his man, who somehow ended up as Kim's brother.

THEN

My hands are trembling from nervousness, I don't get why my brother had to take me with him, I mean, I do missed being with him but he doesn't have to take me this far.

It's my third bottle of water for today, and the day's just starting it's 8am. All the students are heading to their designated room, and I don't know where to go I'm like a lost puppy here. Phi'Porsche said he'd accompany me, but he is somehow accompanying someone at this moment...

I headed through the bulletin board that was displayed near the gate, I scanned through it, and read my name. " Porchay Kittisawat." ... "Class 1A" 

I headed towards the building of 1st years, and felt nervousness all over me again as I stood outside the door of "Class 1A ".

"Class you have new classmate today."

"Come in...and introduce yourself "  The professor said smiling at me genuinely. I looked around the place, to find a vacant sit so I could  just "yeet" myself there as soon as I'm done introducing myself.

I took a deep breath, and put my hands on my pocket, (yeah man I'm cool! ) To hide my trembling hands.

"Hello, I am Kittisawat, Porchay, 18. You can call me Chay, nice to meet you all." I said in one breath, I feel like I could beat Emenem.

"Okay, you can sit next to... Him" as soon as our professor pointed where I should go, I yeet myself there disregarding the looks of those people who stares at me, and the even have guts to glare??? At me??? For real??

As soon as I'm sat in the chair, I noticed that I was sitting next to an apparatus, just kidding. I'm sitting next to a guy whose eyes fixed on the outside of the window, not minding even just a little glance. Whatever he isn't worth my thoughts.

Time passed by faster than flash, it's already break time. I just sat still on my chair, I don't wanna go out, I'm afraid of people.

"Hey, are you not going to eat?" I heard a voice said, and I fwip my attention to it, wow he looked rather handsome.

" No. " I answered  fixing my posture.

"Chay right? I'm Kimhan, call me Kim"  he introduced offering his hand.

I smiled at him and shakes his hand.

"Nice to meet you, let's eat I'm starving!" He offered excitedly and held me up with him.

Maybe it's just I was always on my shell that I haven't been able to feel how nice people could be, or maybe it's just I'm imagining things but my stomach is... Rumbling, yeah shit I'm starving too!

Now

Well, it's basic sense that Kim and me became friends since we're both in the same class, and we're seatmates.

I've learned a lot about him, I know he likes music, he sings, plays guitars, knows how to dance, is a basketball player, academically smart,watches anime, born on the 18th  and his favorite color's blue.

Who wouldn't fall inlove with that?
Me? Not me...
I did fall inlove with him.

I didn't fall inlove with him just because of his  looks, or just because of his talent, or his smartass. I'm pretty sure I have them as well.

But it's just that... He is calm, and chaotic at the same time, he is gentle and a thunder all at once. But he is nice all in all, he knows I'm gay, and accepts me, through and through.

He is my pain in this game called love, but his comfort is my salvation as well.

I just wished he could like me back, or just see me as more than Just Friends.