"Yearning in Silence"

19

Then

Chay

Yesterday was fun, I hang out with Kim and Macau for the last time. Though they didn't know about my departure. I don't think it's necessary for them to know.

I don't want Kim to think that I'm pathetic enough to leave the university just because I love him way too much. I can't afford being around him.

But it's not the only reason.

I feel the need to be with my mother more, she's getting older, I want to spend my college life with her. I've spent my entire highschool with P'Porsche and my friends. I think I need to be with my mom more.

Today's my departure, I told P'Porsche not to tell anyone about it. And he swears he won't.

I wanted Macau to know though, he'd be so disappointed if I don't tell him.

"Are you sure you don't want them to know?" P'Porsche insisted

We've talked about it a million times, and I don't like that he's pushing it still.

"Yeah, I'm sure." I answered

I was planning to tell Macau and Kim though, until last night... Lia called me, and she told me she liked Kim, and that she's planning to confess today...

I've been trying to look for an excuse to not leave for good, and to not cut ties with everyone. But after what Lia said, I just felt so void.

I guess that was my last string to come to this decision.

All my bags are packed, everything I need is on my suitcase. I did somehow left some of my photos with Kim and Macau. I don't think I need to bring them. I kept it inside the drawer. I only brought the frame of me and P'Porsche.

I'm only waiting for P'Porsche to tell me that we're  ready to go.

When my door suddenly swung open, and then I saw Macau.

"Hey! I saw Kim with Lia at the—"

He leaned on the door frame and looked me up and down, confused.

"You're leaving?" He asked confused

I flashed him my smile, and then stood up.

"Yeah! Surprise!" I answered excitedly.

His confused face suddenly turned annoyed, and then he saunter towards me and sat on my bed.

He took the deepest sigh, he could ever did.

"I followed you all the way here four years ago, so I could spend my time with you, and now you're leaving again without a word?" He pouted

I smiled at him genuinely, feeling warmth from his words.

Macau will always be the best human I've ever met.

" I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd be upset" I lied, I knew he'd be upset. He's always been protective towards me.

He rolled his eyes on me, and crossed his arm on his chest, raising one of his eyebrow, as If telling me to explain to him.

" Is it because of Kim?" He asked

I frowned at him, " yes" is what my heart says

"No" is what I answered

"You're lying."

"'m not!" I almost shouts

"Your ears turn red when you're lying. I'll ask you again, Is it because of him?"

" Not really, but partly." I admitted

Macau looked at me worriedly, and balled his fingers

" I hate him." He uttered full of animosity

" He isn't the only reason I'm leaving, I just realized that I missed my mom. I want to spend time with my mom she's getting older. " I told him honestly.

" Will you stay in touch? "

" Hmm, I'll try. " Is all I can say, can't promise though

Macau and I were sitting silently, when P'Porsche came by the door, and signaled me that everything's ready.

I hugged Macau tightly, he rests his head on the crook of my neck, as he sighs deeply.

" Won't be able to follow you now, keep in touch Chay." He said tightening his hold

" I can't breath.
" I joked pushing him away from me.

" I'll try to keep in touch, take care of yourself dude. " I said as we both pulled away from the hug.

We smiled at each other for a minute or two, and then he assist me with my suitcase, and put it in the car.

"Until I see you again Chay, take care." Macau said ruffling my hair

He pulled me in for another hug and whispers

" Don't fall inlove with another asshole. M'kay?"

We both chuckled, and pulled away from each other.

"Bye!" I bid, as I went inside the passenger's seat .

And I didn't look back. I somehow felt like this is the best decision I've ever made.

I had fun for the whole four years that I lived here with my Hia, I was happy with all the memories I've collected, and I'm going to treasure them for as long as I can.

About Kim I'll try to unlove him... If it's even possible. I'll try to focus more on myself. No. I will focus more on myself. I will love myself more. Because that's what I deserve, and clearly Kim will never do that.