"Yearning in Silence"

26

Kim

I emailed Chay about the date as well as the place, and he replied a simple 'okay' . Though it's only a little word it made my heart warm, and it made me smile. Atleast I got to see him, again after all this years, and I'll try my best for him to forgive me, and I'd do everything to win his heart again.

Today's the date, I emailed him the date two days prior for him to be prepared. I studied myself in a full-length mirror for the nth time today, the set time is five in the afternoon, and it's already 4:30pm. I've prepared since 3pm,I may be too excited for this, but I can't help it. I'd see Chay again.

After spending a little more time of studying myself in the mirror, I finally took my key, and drove to the place.

I went to the flower shop first to buy a bouquet, for Chay.

I was a little nervous though, my heart is beating rapidly as I sat on the reserved seat. The waiter came towards me and asked me what I'd like to order. And I told him to give me water first.

I glanced over my wrist watch, to check the time and realized that it's already 5pm. Maybe he's just running late. I convinced myself.

Seconds pass, and then minutes, and it turned an hour or two. The waiter asked me once more if wanted to order, his eyes looked at me with pity in it.

I kept on telling myself that
'maybe he's just running late'.
'just a little more minute'

Another half an hour past and it's already eight in the evening, when a notification from my phone popped up it was Chay's email.

Porchay: oh gosh, I forgot about our meeting today.

Is all Chay says. And it made my heart aches a little bit too much. I don't know if he's telling the truth or... Maybe he was making an excuse not to see me. And I could have understood him, but all I'm feeling right now is a pang of pain in my heart.

Me: would you like to reschedule?

I asked nonetheless, I still want to see him, and ask for forgiveness.

His didn't answer this time, and it made me doubt he'd come for the second time.

Sighing deeply, I put my phone inside my packet. I glanced on the flower that was on top of the table. It made me smile faintly, and I shook my head.

"What was I thinking... Believing that Chay would show up" I muttered to myself.

Taking the bouquet of flowers on the table, I stood up, and throw it on the trash can.

I'd buy Chay a new one. When we finally meet. When he's finally ready to see me.

I decided to go to a convenience store to buy something to eat.

I was strolling around the store, when I remembered that this was the store Chay and I used to go, when we were highschool. Back before he told me he liked me. Back before I didn't break his heart. It was one the good memories I've had with Chay.

As I was walking on the counter, I saw a familiar looking guy... with someone I know too well...They seemed to be quarrelling.

I was stuck on my position, and my heart's beating rapidly. Am I just being delusional since I missed him too much?

My world stopped when he finally turned his gaze towards me.

'He isn't who he used to be' that's the first thing my mind reminded me, when his eyes landed on mine.

He stiffened when he saw me, but then he became stoic. Like a stone in the middle of the snow.

Back then, the sun always reminds me of Chay, his warmest smile, his eyes that held the universe in it. I truly believed that's how I'd see Chay again, that maybe he's still the same Chay I know, but as I looked at him right now, my heart breaks again... 'did I do this to him?'

I studied him from his hair to his toe.

He dyed his hair blue, he's still looking pretty, much prettier than before. But I noticed how his eyes that once holds the universe is now holding nothing but voidness. His features that usually radiates warm, is now cold... His demeanor stoic, sterner, stoned.

"Chay" I called quietly, my heart drumming on my ribs.

And then the other guy turned to me. Macau looked at me with pity in his eyes, but then his jaw clenched. And he turned to Chay.

I don't know what is the deal with them, but it made me wonder if Macau is with Chay after all this time? Does that mean they're dating?

I heard Macau whispered

"I'll leave you two alone. Take him at P'Porsche apartment Kim." He excused himself and tap my shoulder.

I looked over Chay and I saw how he looked at Macau, he's mad. And then he muttered a small curse under his breath.

Silence surrounds us, nobody dares to talk at all. I feel the atmosphere killing me. I feel my hand being sweaty. But I'm upset, for some reason I'm upset that Chay is in this store but he didn't come to the place we talked about.

"Can we talk, Chay? Please?" I plead, my eyes is becoming watery.

Chay's gaze focused on mine, a second or five he then nods. I wish he would talk I missed his voice.

We walked outside the convenience store, and sat on the bench that was outside of it.

He still didn't say anything, which is killing me even more, since I hope he'd talk or curse at me, punch me. But his salience is making me sick.

I watched all of his little movements. Chay looked at me this time, raising his eyebrow.

"If you're not going to talk, I'll leave." He stated flatly, no emotions at all.

"Chay, I'm so sorry..."