"Yearning in Silence"

22

Then
Chay

The feeling of Kim's lips on mine was ethereal, it felt unreal. I wondered how my heart's racing so fast but time felt like it's moving so slow. My hand is placed on Kim's chest and I felt it beating in synch with mine.

Kim's lips is soft, it fits perfectly in mine, and I felt all of my strength vanished. I suddenly forgot how to breath.

When Kim pulled away, he rests his forehead on mine, and I'm still closing my eyes. Catching my breath.

I felt Kim's thumb on my cheeks, gently caressing it.

"I missed you" he whispered

And then a year fell down my cheeks again. I was trying to forget my feelings for him. I tried, I just can't.

"I- I missed you too." I answered, and then Kim pulled me in for a hug.

We both were silent and stayed in that position for a while. Feeling each other's comfort, when someone called my name.

"Chay." It was Macau's

I moved away from Kim, and looked at Macau.

"I didn't mean to ruin the mood but your brother is looking for you"

I don't know if it's just my imagination but the way Macau says those words seems like he is mad... I don't know.

"Uhm, I'll get going then." I said, excusing myself, hiding the fact that I'm blushing way too much.

Once I'm inside I was welcomed by P'Pete warm hug, And they started asking me what had happened. I was brought back to reality as they asked that...

I didn't want to answer them. I never wanted to open up about it, I'm afraid they'd blame me, but even if that do. It's true, I'm at fault. I'm the one to blame

I thought i'd feel broken as I told them the details, but I was wrong, maybe it's because I felt numb rather than feeling sad.

[Meanwhile]

Kim

After Chay went inside, Macau sat down next to me. I saw how his demeanor changed, he was composed earlier but now, it shows that he is much more than composed.

"I could punch you right now" he said lipped tight, eyes pierced. He should, I think I deserve that.

"What'd you do that for? How do you think Chay would react if he knew about you and Lia huh?" He asked sternly.

I couldn't find the word to answer him. I want Macau to know that I love Chay, that I have feelings for Chay for a very long time.

"It's not what you think" is all I could say

"You've inflicted too much pain on Chay already, wasn't it enough? That guy loves you with all his heart, but you rejected him, and now you're here acting oh so sweet with him, when you have a girlfriend?" Macau continued, his words are venomous and it hit me right in the gut.

He took a deep breath again, as he tried to compose himself.

"I wont- you're my cousin, I won't tell anything to Chay on your behalf, but please, you have to be the one to tell him about you and Lia." He said, calmer this time.

" I will, I'm sorry." I answered, covering my face using both of my hands, frustratingly.

"Do you love him?" I heard Macau asked again

" I do." I answered shortly

I love Chay so much, but this isn't the right time, I'm with Lia, I've been trying to break up with her for a week now, but she was not replying to my messages. She didn't even want to answer my call.

"You have to make things right Kim. If you love him truly, do the best thing that you think is better. I don't want Chay to be in pain again, he's been through a lot."Macau reminded. He then stood up, and walk back inside the house, leaving me feeling miserable.

I felt so guilty for kissing Chay. As far as I don't want to hurt him again he needed to know about me and Lia, and he needed to know that I love him, I love him since day one, I just thought I didn't because he was my best friend, I thought it was platonic but it wasn't.

Taking a deep breath, I opened my phone, and dialed Lia's number again. And she didn't answer.

I went inside as well, and went to Chay. I need to tell him.

"Chay, can we talk?" I asked, more like a plea.

He looked so confused, but he nodded and stood up.

He lead me to his room, this time. I felt so nervous but Chay needed to know.

As he closed the door, I felt my breath stopped.

"What is it about?" He asked, his face curious.

I sat on the couch that's on the side of his bed, and asked him to sit down beside me. He did, and I held his hand.

"I'm sorry." I started, I felt my eyes welling up.

I felt Chay removed his hands from me. He gulped, and then looked at me, as if he knew what I was going to say.

And then my phone rang, I opened it and was more than surprise for the first time in a week Lia called me, just in a bad timing. I turned it off  as soon as I saw her name.

Chay saw the caller I.D, and then he stood up, his breath unsteady. He stared at me angrily, tears rolling down his face, his fist forming into ball.

"Chay, you have to listen to me first." I started, walking up to him

He flinched a little, wiping his tears harshly.

"N-no, just... Leave." he says weakly, almost inaudible.

It breaks me to see him like this, and knowing it's my fault made me break even more.

" Chay, please" I plead, he shakes his head no.

"I love you." I finally said, tears falling from my eyes as well.

"I love you Chay, Please listen to me." I begged

He sat down on his bed, shaking. I tried to walk towards him. But

" Kim, please ... I beg you just- Leave." His voice cracked at the end, and him begging me to leave was the most painful thing I've ever received.

" I'm sorry. I love you" I uttered one last time, before leaving the his bedroom door.

I never felt so scattered in my whole life, I never thought this kind of pain could ever exist. I wiped my tears away as I walked out the house.