"Yearning in Silence"

14

Then

Chay

It's Monday... I feel exhausted but life must go on. I still have a month. I'll make it much more happier than I was the past month.

After that night of confessing, and crying afterwards, I realized that it's fine, I'll just have to act like none of it happened.

"Take care!" P'Porsche shouts as closed the door.

I've received a text from Macau that we'll walk together, and that he'll meet me at the mini restaurant.

So we did, I saw him eating. So I walk towards him and greeted him.

"Hey, how have you been?" He asked

"Still Alive." I answered.

"I've ordered your coffee, it'll just take a little minute."

" Aw sweet" I teased

Macau rolled his eyes at my comment, and he continued eating.

After sometime of  eating, we both went to school together, and well, bad news! I saw Kim on the gate waiting...

I was suppose to go the other way but Macau, held my arm, I glared at him.

"You two should talk." He demanded, holding on to my arms.

"Fine! Let go of me." I whisper shout as I nudged his hand away.

We walk directly towards Kim, who looked at me, and smiled.

Stop you stupid Heart!

"Hey, Chay..." He started

I feel sick to my stomach just by hearing him called my name, all I could remember was what happened at that night, and I cringe.

I just smiled at him, and continued to walk to our room. Both him and Macau followed behind.

Oh shii— I just remembered he is my seatmate.

Dear lord Kill me now.

This is soooo embarrassing.

I sat on my designated chair, and they entered the room soon after.

Macau sat on his chair, winking at me before doing so.

I rolled my eyes at him.

Kim carefully sat next to me, and turned his face on me.

I saw it on peripheral vision, but I acted that I didn't notice.

He kept his position that way.

Until he decided to break the silence.

"Can we talk?"

"Hmm" I hummed and nodded

"I mean, later? " He asked

I eyed him sideways, and frowned

" We can talk here. " I whispered

He shuffles on his sit, and bow his head.

" I want to apologize Chay..." He stated in a low voice.

I felt my heart stops and aches again.

I turned the other side and took a deep breath.

" It's- it's fine. " I answered

"No, Chay. It's not... I really am sorry for saying that— I didn't mean it a bad way, but you're the most wonderful friend I've ever had, I really do appreciate being around you... And I did consider liking you at first but it's way too complicated and I just— I can't" he sighs deeply, as he runs his hands on his hair frustratedly.

I bit my lower lip, taking another long breath, begging myself not to cry in this situation.

"It's just so frustrating, I like being around you, I like everything about you, and I don't want to ruin us, this friendship, I don't want to lose you Chay." He continued.

I heard him sniffed, that made my head turn to him almost immediately.  Eyes wide.

Is Kim crying? Am I dreaming?

"Why are you tearing up?" I asked chuckling

"I... I'm so sorry." He whispered, wiping his tears.

"I told you it's okay, Oh gosh. I didn't mean  my confession to be so hard for you. I'm- I'm not forcing my feelings towards you Kim." I said frustration visible in my voice.

He looked at me sadly, and smiled.

"But we're losing our friendship" he answered faintly

I think... I understand him, he must have really treasure our friendship, that he would be this frustrated.

" We're not losing anything. " He reassured him, I patted his back.

He was looking at me like a lost puppy, and I had to stop myself from laughing, he looked so cute oh goshhh.

I think I'll just keep my feelings to myself.

"We're good Kim, you needn't to worry." I told him.

" Thank you, and I'm sorry. Really. " He said taking a deep breath, and straightening his posture.

"Hm, I can't really blame you if you can't love me back. And I'm not forcing you to do so, I just wanted to say it. But yeah let's forget about it. " I said coolly, masking my pained smile.

We'll stay as friends, I guess there's nothing wrong with it as long as my feelings won't be involve.

I'll just have to be more guarded, and have limitations, so I could stop myself from falling even deeper, as I already did.

I'll disregard my feelings, for Kim to not be uncomfortable, for me to stop hurting, and for our friendship to not be ruined.

Yep, I think that'll work.