Love & Affinities (18+)

40

SOFIA MARCELLO

Telling him everything about the guilt I carried on my shoulders seemed easier now. With his desperation to help me, I spilled everything. ''The video you told me about, the one showing I was shot but instead the camera was switched to the wall when the gunshot rang out, is where I lost my only friend. 

She was a nice girl, almost my age and just because she was getting my attention, Alex decided to kill her.'' The guilt had burdened my shoulders. Was it a crime to be wanted by someone? I just wanted to get away from him and enjoy the company of a girl who had managed to have dig through my facade and pick out the girl I was. 

He rubbed my stomach with his palm, trying to keep the cramps at rest, while listening to me. ''I was eighteen when I got pregnant...", I feel him stiffen behind me, and his fingers grew stiff yet continued to stroke my belly. I managed to continue because I might not find the strength to tell him all this again. 

"He was happy because it was part of his plan to tie me to himself for once and for all. I had lost all hope then. I thought I would never be able to return home again, but then one day, he took me to a doctor.'' I gulp as I recall being a timid, eighteen year old girl walking into the confined room. The doctor tried to be nice but I could tell he was uncomfortable under Alex's gaze. 

I shiver at the memory, turn and wrap my hands around him. He pecks my forehead subtly. ''I heard the baby's heartbeat, we even got to know the gender since I was four months along. It was a baby boy. Instantly, I grew... happy. Maybe there was a purpose in my life. More than anything I was happy it wasn't a girl, otherwise I don't know what he would have done to it.'' I scoff. As if that stopped him. 

Tears blurred my vision. ''Everyday, I grew closer and closer to it, and Alex started caring a little more for me. He asked me if I wanted something. If I was craving something or if I felt tired. He even stopped for a while.'' His jaw clenches as he listens patiently. I squeeze his palm that is now rolled into a fist. 

''I was outside on the balcony, rubbing my stomach and sitting on a bench when he called for me. I was smiling and happily walking down the stairs when...'' tears well in my eyes and my voice wavers. Immediately, his arms wrap around me.

''Ssshh. I won't let anything happen to you ever again.'' It feels better to share this with him because no one understands me better then him. I felt guilty of not wanting to stay with my dad and staying with Ad instead, but now I realise why I do. 

Because I love him. My dad has lost his place in my life, but Ad? He has been here for me the entire time. 

For the first time in years, I can actually grieve. He holds me through all of it and murmurs words of adoration for my bravery after what happened. Tears silently run down the curve of my cheeks and even when my drool and snot wet his shirt, he doesn't complain. 

How can a man like him be so caring? He might never say that he loves me but I surely will. When my tears finally succumb to a slight hiccup, he smiles and kisses my temple and stays there. Then he slowly pulls away and strips off his shirt. "I'm sorry."

"Shh, I couldn't give two fucks about it." I instantly smile. 

He grabs the remote and switches on Netflix, scrolling through the movies and asking me if I want to watch it or not. He finally picks one and by then, my tears have dried up. 

''Let's get you something to eat.'' He picks up the pizza box and grabs a slice for me. Very quietly he feeds me and takes bites from the same one as well. Twenty minutes into the movie, we've finished half the pizza. 

More like I had. Hahah. His rough yet warm hands rub my belly and my head rests on his chest. I breathe into his smell, making it even harder for me to concentrate on the show we were watching and instead, lulls me to giving in to the sleep I really need.