Yes Miss Romanoff

41

How did I get here?

There I was, in Carol's bed, naked and drunk and feeling more alone than ever before. What have I done?

Poor Carol, I selfishly used her to get back at Nat, she didn't deserve that. I slowly crawled out of bed, finding my clothes and writing Carol a quick note.

Hey Carol,
I had to go home to get some stuff. Thank you for the fun night out, and the drinks, but I'm sorry this can't happen again, it's just too complicated with work and everything. I still look forward to seeing you later and starting our new project!
From Evelyn x

I know, I'm a terrible person, and being hypocritical, of myself, but I couldn't lie and use Carol again the way I had last night. It was wrong, no body deserved that and I didn't want to lead her on more.

It was tough finding outfits for work that week considering most of my clothes and things were still at Nat's. I'd decided to give it until the weekend to go and get my stuff, maybe then I'd be able to face her. Or maybe I'd be lucky and she wouldn't be in.

Throughout the week, I saw Nat several times, avoiding her gaze as much as possible. Even though I hated her for what she did, I still felt guilty for sleeping with Carol. It was a drunken mistake but nevertheless, definitely a mistake. I guess we'd both made mistakes.

Carol and I got on fine, she happily showed me what she had been working on and I settled into her design style very quickly. In a way, she was easier to work for since I wasn't distracted by her every movement.

I was glad she'd moved on from what happened between us. I suppose she was happy to just be friends and was glad she didn't hate me for what I did. She was a much more forgiving and understanding person than I was.

However, on Friday afternoon, I had no choice but to talk to Nat. I'd just gone to the bathroom and was washing my hands when she came up close behind me. She tried to sneak her hand into mine but I backed away quickly, shaking it away.

"What the fuck Nat?" I shouted, not caring if anyone could hear me.

"Evelyn I,"

"You what?"

"It's just, it's not what you think!" She spoke desperately, trying to step closer but I kept backing away.

"Not what I think? It seems pretty obvious to me. You just had to have me all to yourself didn't you? Forcing me to keep living with you without even bothering to ask what I wanted! Because of course, as long as you were happy and it was what you wanted, it didn't matter how I felt!" I was so frustrated, all I could see was red.

"No Evelyn that's not true of course I care how you feel!" She pleaded.

"Oh yeah! Is that why you cheated on me? Is that why you tried to control my life and control me? Is that why you decided to make decisions for me so that they benefit you? You're just a selfish bitch." I spat, my whole body shaking from rage.

"No Sweetheart. I just, I didn't want to lose you! I can't lose you!" She was now crying, tears streaming down her cheeks uncontrollably.

"Too bad. You already did." I whispered, running out of the bathroom and not looking back. I couldn't be there anymore, running out of the building and heading to the park to clear my head.

I messaged Carol saying there was an emergency so I had to leave. She said it was fine, she'd finish our work for that day. I was grateful Carol was so generous.

After walking around the park a few times, I finally calmed down, sitting on a bench to watch the water fountain.

I allowed myself a minute of calmness, watching as the small birds played and splashed in the fountain. I smiled to myself, they looked so free, so peaceful, so happy. Wow look at me, here I am wishing I was a bird.

Now that my head was finally clear, I was able to take a moment to process what had happened.

In a way I felt bad for leaving her there, a sobbing heap on the bathroom floor. I didn't even give her a chance to explain herself.

Oh god I'm such an idiot!

I let my emotions get the better of me and said some horrible things. Yes, she'd made mistakes, I made mistakes too, but I loved her, I knew I did, so surely we could move past them.

I called her a selfish bitch, which she isn't, and I told her she'd lost me, she could never lose me. Not really.

I cupped my face in my hands, tears starting to fall again. Why did I have to be such a bitch? Why couldn't I have just heard her out?

Guilt spread through me, making me hate myself for the way I spoke to her. Now that I'd calmed down, I realised how awful I was. I needed to give her a chance.

After a while, it began to get dark so I started to head back to work, getting into my car and driving home.

***

When I got home, I realised I needed advice, I couldn't handle all of this alone, clearly. So I called the only person I could, Wanda.

After I told her what happened, she insisted having me over for dinner. It was a little awkward to see Agatha again after the last time, but she was really nice, and a lot like Wanda in a lot of ways.

Over our meal, I told the both of them about everything that had happened right until today in the toilets.

Both of them were kind, and offered me as much advice as they could. Together, we came to the conclusion that I should go to see Nat, talk everything through calmly, giving her a chance to explain herself.

I was still going to grab my things from hers to move back to my apartment regardless. Even if we made up, it was clear that our relationship was not ready for living together, we needed to trust each other first.

I also decided not to drink alone anymore, it never lead to any good decisions. I was going to try to avoid alcohol as much as possible, knowing that a little sip always ended in me black out drunk.

I don't know, I just couldn't control myself once I'd started. However, I watched in amusement as Wanda and Agatha slowly became more and more drunk. It was funny watching them try to keep their eyes off of each other.

I swear they were going to fuck the second I left. Even though Wanda offered for me to stay the night, I refused, needing time to think.

And I didn't want to have to try and sleep with the sound of them going at it in every room of the house.

I actually didn't struggle to sleep that evening, I was of course stressed, and anxious, but the possibility of us making up, made me feel a little more relaxed. I was going to go see her tomorrow, it was going to be fine.

We're going to be fine.

A/N: heyyyy guys!!!! Update <3333