And then I met You ➳ n.h

What have I done?

I know what you all think. How could I leave Niall so suddenly then have no urge to communicate with him? And how could he not have made an effort to get a hold of me either? Well, we did. Allow me to explain.

As I got into the car and drove further from him, I surely felt the urge of turning back almost every three seconds but I couldn't do it. And after I got home I felt the need to call him saying I'm fine, to keep going on with his life and that I'm truly sorry, but I couldn't do that either. Something in me fought that urge and I didn't fight back.

From Niall's part. I'm sure he did try to communicate. Like I said, my phone had been in my luggage this whole time, untouched. But on our way home Jennifer told me how after the stage practice Niall was the first to walk in to see how I was doing. Not fine, obviously, since I was gone. She said he rushed out the bus grabbed one of the bodyguard's car and was about to drive after me but she managed to convince him not too. She told me about the countless number of calls, the infinite amount of messages and tweets. But as time went by and he got busier with the tour and I didn't reply to anything, he began to slowly give up.

After all, there was definitely no way he could leave after me. The boys needed him, his fans needed him, and according to security, he was "better off without any distractions on the tour." And I was a distraction, a pretty big one. Nice to know they thought of me that way, it gives me a bigger reason not to go back or ever think about it.

Anyhow, Jennifer had landed home yesterday so she dedicated all of today to packing and getting her things ready to begin college in about three weeks. Better start now or else she won't have enough time. It's quite a hectic task to move into college dormitories.

As of me, I decided to stay home in my bed, munching on fattening yet delicious junk food and watching movies on my laptop.

Remember how I said I hate cliche romantic fairy tales that are too predictable? Just to clear things up, I still do. I just haven't had the time to rant about them as much as before with everything going on in my life.

I still believe that your happiness should not depend on Prince Charming having to rescue you or in magical godmothers that make all your wishes come true. I do believe that you set your own standard of what happiness means to you and how you plan to reach it. Maybe happiness means having a good job, a high education, an enjoyable career, or even smaller things such as owning a pet, getting a dance move right, or spending time at the mall with your friends. Not everyone's definition of happiness is "love". It is sorta hypocritical however, to say you don't need affection. As humans, we practically spend our entire lives looking to either give or receive affection. But don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that affection is our purpose to live, what I'm saying is that its a basic part of our lives. Its a step towards finding your happiness, just another step, not the only way to a happy life.

But then why do we believe we need to find true love to have our happy ending? Basically the blame is on fairy tales and Disney movie. Little girls and boys now grow up watching movies that teach them the incorrect definition of happiness. Thanks to those movies we now believe that we fully depend on another human being to live "happily ever after", we are giving someone else full control of the outcome of our lives instead of focusing on how we can be happy with other things. For some people, happiness can be completing a successful education, having a high position in work, having their dream life style; for others its more simple stuff like dancing, singing, acting, whatever weird fetish they may have. Don't stay there waiting for your Prince Charming. Get up and find him, that poor idiot may be stuck on a tree or something. Likewise, don't wait for happiness to come along with a person. Get up and work for it. Fight for what you truly want in life and you'll obtain the happy ending you desire. Your happily ever after will come, just not necessarily after meeting a prince at a ball.

I forgot where I was trying to get with this rant but I feel like I haven't been able to express my hate for those tales lately so here you guys go.

Anyhow, now that we got things cleared up a tiny bit, I'm starting to realize that maybe things in my mind are not at all that clear. I know why I left, I know why I refused to go back. But was it really a smart decision? Making myself miserable so Niall could have happiness? Woah. Maybe it was. But then again, I could be happy. Niall seemed happy all along even with the unfortunate events I caused, he didn't care. Maybe my decision was selfish. Maybe I was focusing more on what I couldn't handle and believed everyone else couldn't handle either. Maybe, just maybe, Niall was part of my journey towards happiness and I was part of his. I was too focused on myself; on my hate of cliche, corny stories, on my fear of love, on my fear of hurting my -ex- Blondie. I-I seriously messed up. Oh my.. What have I done?