I don't deserve you | YoonMin | English

(XIV) 'Can I... Uh...'

After a few minutes of peaceful calmness, Jimin decided to break the silence.

He said, 'You said that you wanna seek revenge.'

Yoongi hummed in response.

Jimin said, 'Are you really gonna track down the murderer?'

Yoongi hummed in response again.

Jimin said, 'I know that you're collecting evidence but I don't think it'll help you.'
Yoongi said, 'How do you know that I'm collecting evidence?'

Jimin said, 'Once when I came here, you went to shower and I decided to take a look around your house. I saw the things you kept in the storeroom. I didn't mean to search for anything. I shouldn't be doing that anyway.'
Yoongi said, 'I think revenge will help me with everything. Every time I close my eyes, I see my parents covered in blood.'

Jimin said, 'Let's say you found the murderer. What are you gonna do to them?'
Yoongi said, 'Kill them.'
Jimin said, 'Hyung, do you even realise what you're saying?'
Yoongi said, 'I do.'

Jimin said, 'I understand your pain and I know that you deserve better but, do you think killing somebody will help you feel better?'
Yoongi said, 'Yes, because I'm suffering from what they did.'

Jimin said, 'No, hyung, you're wrong. If you kill someone just like how someone killed your parents, what's the difference between the murderer and you?'
Yoongi said, 'I don't know. I just wanna feel better.'

Jimin said, 'But killing someone can't make you feel any better.'
Yoongi said, 'How can you be so sure?'
Jimin said, 'The Yoongi hyung I know is sweet, charming, adorable and nice. He is not a person who could kill someone. My Yoongi hyung could never be a murderer.'

Yoongi said, 'To be honest, I don't know if I can but I want to.'
Jimin said, 'I don't think this is a good idea.'
Yoongi said, 'I just wanna feel happy.'
Jimin said, 'I know that you wanna feel happy but this isn't the way for it.'
Yoongi said, 'Then tell me, Jimin-ah. How can I feel better?'

Jimin said, 'The answer is with you, hyung. Sometimes, you don't have to do anything to feel happy. The same thing you do every day can make you happy, too. It depends on how you look at everything. Everything has magnificence in it.'

Yoongi looked at the ceiling and took a deep breath.

Jimin said, 'Hyung, let's start a new life. Let's just let go of what happened.'

Yoongi glanced at Jimin but didn't say a word in response.

Jimin continued, 'Just get rid of the photos and the papers you have in the storeroom. You have to take a step forward to forget the way you saw your parents for the last time. You have to remember them as you used to see them.'
Yoongi said, 'You should have become a psychologist.'
Jimin said, 'Not the main point. Let's go.'

Yoongi was about to say something but Jimin didn't let him. He grabbed Yoongi's wrist and stood up. He walked to the storeroom with Yoongi.

He took out all the photos of the corpses of Yoongi's parents from the wall and threw them into a metal bucket.

The bucket had a decent amount of ashes in it. He comprehended that Yoongi had a bucket there to burn the evidence which was of no use, as the investigation he carried out proved it to be just a piece of information and not evidence.

He searched for other things and found a couple of papers with writings about what could have happened. He threw those into the bucket and said, 'I guess this is it.' to which Yoongi nodded in response.

Jimin said, 'Where's the lighter?'
Yoongi said, 'I don't have one.'

Jimin said, 'Ah... Alright...' and began to search; he found a matchbox.

He said, 'It's your turn, hyung. Do it.' and gave the matchbox to Yoongi.

Yoongi took a deep breath and said as he looked at the bucket, 'Eomma... Appa... I hope you both are happy wherever you are. I miss you... I'm sorry... I couldn't do anything for you...'

He lit a matchstick and threw it into the bucket. He started to sob silently.

Jimin grabbed the matchbox from Yoongi's hand and kept it back in its place.

He hugged Yoongi by his waist and said, 'It's for the better, hyung. You're gonna be fine.'

Without a word in response, Yoongi nuzzled up against Jimin's neck and sobbed for some time.

After a few minutes, Jimin let go of Yoongi and flashed an assuring smile. He brought a bottle of water and put the fire out.

He grabbed Yoongi's wrist and walked back to the living room. He kept the empty water bottle on the table and sat on the couch next to Yoongi.

Yoongi said, 'Do you think I'll be fine?'
Jimin said, 'Of course, you'll be fine.'

Yoongi leaned on the couch and sighed heavily.

Jimin continued, 'It'll take some time but... You'll be just fine.'

Yoongi hummed in response and Jimin nodded awkwardly.

Yoongi glanced at Jimin as he said, 'Can I... Uh...'

Jimin said, 'Yes, you can.'
Yoongi said, 'Oh... Well, I haven't said it yet.'

Jimin said, 'Whatever it is, you can do it.' with a smile.

Yoongi nodded and lay on the couch with his head on Jimin's lap. He looked at the ceiling and stayed close to Jimin's abdomen.

Jimin stroked Yoongi's hair on the forehead. Yoongi gazed into Jimin's eyes. Jimin's right pointer finger outlined Yoongi's lips.

Yoongi exhaled shakily and nuzzled up against Jimin's abdomen. Jimin's right hand caressed Yoongi's waist while his left hand stroked Yoongi's hair.

Yoongi didn't say a word nor did Jimin. They stayed still for almost an hour.

After some time, Jimin said, 'Hyung... I gotta go now. I have to prepare for my upcoming tests as well as the songs.'

Yoongi slowly sat upright and nodded in response. Jimin stood up, wore his jacket and hugged Yoongi by leaning forward.

After flashing a shy yet warm smile that made Yoongi blush, he drove back home.