lacuna

Chapter Nine

Fallon's pov

Something felt wrong.

There were whispers around the halls as I walked towards my first class, groups of students huddled together. I tried my best to ignore them and pulled the hood of my grey hoodie further down the front of my head. I hurried my steps, desperate not to get late again, and turned to the left hallway, leading to class G32.

"Alright class, settle down, everyone. I have something to tell all of you" Mr Limbrey stood at the front, leaning on his desk. I sunk lower in my seat, assuming it was probably about another test or project. Before I'd come in, I noticed Justin from the corner of my eyes, seated at the back who gave me a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. Whispers filled the room and a few leaned over to their sides, speaking to each other in low voices.

What in the world...?

Mr Limbrey stood taller, clasping his hands at the front and his face turning grim. "As some of you may already know, Rudy Hilton passed away yesterday evening" his voice was the only thing I heard despite the sudden mumbles that surfaced.

Rudy. He's dead.

Rudy Hilton. Dead

"It was...it was said that he actually shot himself with his dad's pistol around 4:15 in his bedroom", the teacher took a deep breath before continuing, "his parents- parent, actually- his mother wanted you all to know...". I didn't hear the rest as he droned on about how anyone who feels depressed should talk to someone and not commit suicide. My eyes stared at the desk, unaware of the tears filling them and gliding down my cheeks.

Rudy was awfully bullied and made fun of throughout his school years. He was a decent student, with average grades but he had a stammering problem. He was harassed and insulted every single day for something he couldn't control. For something that wasn't his choice. Rage mixing with lumps of guilt swelled up inside of me.

You should've done something.

The tears wouldn't stop as I started to think how he must've felt; all alone and isolated, hated by everyone, believing he wasn't enough. Although I never truly knew him, at that moment I felt as if I entirely did. My chest ached, making it harder to breathe and I bolted out of my seat, sprinting out the door and towards the bathrooms.

My throat felt raw as I threw up for the fifth time in the toilet. Sweat peppered down my neck and back. I breathed. The bell rang loud enough for me to flinch as I flushed the vomit. Before I could open my stall, the bathroom door made a clicking sound and two pairs of heels walked in.

"Seriously though, he probably did it for attention. I mean, everyone gets bullied at least once in their life, right?" a girl's voice said. I curled my hands into fits.

"Yeah, like, it wasn't even that bad," another voice said, her words sounding as if she was applying lipstick on herself. My nails bit into my palm, making my fists shake.

Can people be any more heartless?

I slammed the stall door open and stepped out. One girl was leaning toward the mirror, applying makeup while the other was on her phone. But they both looked up at the sound I made. I couldn't help the words that poured out of me next and I didn't even want to stop.

"How could you say that?" I exclaimed, "He was being bullied. Every. Single. Day. Severely bullied to the point he felt that the only escape for him was leaving this messed up world".I knew my face looked like crap from the way they were looking at me, or maybe they were just surprised by my outburst.

"Don't you dare say something like that when you have no idea how it feels to be left out. How it feels to get told that you're worthless. Daily" my voice was wavering and I hated how fragile I sounded. One girl looked at her friend, something like embarrassment filling her face but the other just rolled her eyes. I covered my face with my hands, not wanting them to see the tears that were refilling. They were hastened to shuffle and clack as they slipped out the door. I let out a shaky breath. I slid my hand into the front pocket of my bag and took hold of the sharp blade.