lacuna

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Fallon's pov

Trapped.

Numb.

I was stuck in a nightmare that kept playing over and over again. And I would wake up hoping and praying that it was all gone, but it wasn't. And I would still be alive. There was no light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I've stopped looking for it. The walls closed in around me, my mind screaming, yelling and scratching. I wanted a release from the pain that was within me. The pain that I couldn't take away despite how hard I tried. It was torment. What was the point of my life? I was worthless. A worthless girl living off of her parent's money. My body wasn't mine. Not anymore. I've lost Mr Oscar because I couldn't do what I had to protect him. I see no future ahead of me. And for all that, I was a monster. A freak. My thoughts kept getting the better of me day by day, sucking all the hope and light that had remained inside me, making me long for the day it would all stop. Just stop. Maybe that date on the calendar was why I didn't kill myself just yet. Because that was the deal. The challenge.

Nothing matters. What are you waking up for?

I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was him. He was already awake, his evergreen eyes gazing into mine, his cheeks a faint rose as a small smile took over his lips.

"Hi, beautiful"

I rubbed my eyes, "Hi. How are you feeling?"

"Normal-"

The door swung open and I jumped, startled. We both turned to the doorway to see Asher and Justin. My cheeks warmed as I realised what state Eli and I were in, his arm draped over my waist and our feet tangled in the sheets. Asher grinned and opened his mouth to say something but Eli was quicker.

"Heyyyy, long time no see, dickheads" The boy next to me grinned.

What in the world? Asher crossed his arms, leaning on the doorway and looked at Justin who was pretending to be busy on his phone, despite the sly smile on his face.

"W-we just came here to talk last night," I said, the blush creeping onto my neck, "And fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it"

"Kissed a couple of times", Eli added and I snapped my head to him, giving him a frown.

"Not helping"

Asher chuckled, "Well, we thought you two were already up but guess not. I'm gonna have to steal Eli from you". I sat up on the bed but Eli remained, letting out a groan and turning to the other side, hiding his face in the pillow.

"Dude. Get up. We're going suit shopping" the blonde pushed, walking in and yanking the blanket off.

"Suit shopping?" I looked at him.

"Yeah. Prom's only about a week away"

Prom.

"Oh"

"You're not going?" Justin asked and I didn't miss the glance he shared with the now sitting Eli.

No. You won't.

I shrugged, "I never went to prom anyways. Though I'd really like to".

Asher grabbed Eli, making him get off the bed, "Ash-"

He pushed him towards the bathroom, shoving him inside and closing the door, ignoring his protests. I laughed, shaking my head as I got off the bed as well, folding the blankets and arranging the bed so it didn't look all twisted. I ran a hand through my hair, sighing. Guess no prom for me this year either.

It's your last year. Suck it up.

*******************

My cramps had always been the worst. I was beyond grateful for it being the weekend or I would have fainted at school. A shock of pain shot through my stomach and I let out a whine, curling up into a ball under my covers. I barely had the energy to get up and clean myself in the morning but I did it nonetheless, forcing down a bowl of cereal so I wouldn't throw up. And throwing up meant more painful cramps. My phone rang from under my pillow and I groaned, taking it out and glancing at the caller ID. It was Eli.