lacuna

Chapter Thirty-Four

Eli's pov

We waited at her house as we'd planned, and the blonde's car stopped next to a hugeass tree. I sat at the back, my eyes fixed on the two-story house, my hand running over the place she'd band-aided. Everything was in pieces the night I came to her house drunk. I remembered seeing her in a towel, the fabric stopping a whole fucking inch or two above her knees. If I hadn't been so high, I would've jumped off the window. I remembered how her palms had cradled my face and I vividly remember how fucking good she'd smelled.

I fucking love you, you little shit.

Every time the words I said repeated in my mind I wanted to slam my head against the wall. It wasn't the humiliation of saying those words. No, it was simply the fact that I could've said it in a much better way. The way people do in movies. Maybe I could've done it under the stars or during a sunset. But no, I straight up blurted it out while I was fucking high on cigarettes.

Was this what love felt like? Did it feel quiet? Like you're fucking calm and centred. Like you feel a stronger sense of security. Does loving someone release you from the chains of always wondering? Did it feel warm and cosy, like climbing into a warm bed on a cold night? Like you're always home no matter where you happen to be. If that was what love felt like, then I had fallen in love with her long before I'd even realised it.

The door of the car abruptly opened and she got in. She was in a short skirt that disappeared under a black and white striped oversized sweater. Her thighs looked so fucking perfect as she sat next to me in the backseat. I noticed her looking at me, her cheeks flushed pink.

"Is it not good?" she asked nervously, fiddling with the hem.

I swallowed, my jaw clenching, as I looked away "It's good". It took everything in me to keep my hands fixed on myself as she turned her attention to the two guys seated at the front, greeting them both with a bright, eye-scrunching smile. The thought of her going to a party filled with horny drug addicts made me so fucking uneasy but I knew it wasn't my place to say anything to her. The car stopped near Max's house, parked a good distance away to avoid any drunk teenagers and the four of us got out.

"Uh...will I be invited here?" Fal said, tucking a strand of hair behind her elfish ears.

"Yeah. You're Wren's guest, so you're completely invited" Asher reassured as we made our way towards the house. The lawn was filled with people, some dancing and drinking whilst some laid sprawled on the grass. Music boomed from within the house and opening the door, and stepping in, felt like being swallowed. Bright lights flared everywhere and the dance floor was packed. Couples grinding against each other, making out in corners, flirting against walls.

But Fallon was tense. Her eyes were slightly wide and she had her arms wrapped protectively around herself. I was about to move closer to her when someone threw an arm over my shoulder, pulling me away. From the strong, alcoholic smell, I knew it was JT.

"Hey, man. What took you so long?" he slurred.

I shrugged his arms off, and was about to make my way towards Fal again "Had some stuff to take care of". But the guy had me in a tight hold, dragging me towards a table filled with teh rest of the group. I spared a single glance over my shoulder at my girl, standing by the door whilst Asher made his way to the kitchen and Justin plopped down on a sofa. Something in the back of my mind kept nagging at me, telling me to keep an eye on her but I pushed it away, her words from that day on the street when I argued with her about coming here echoed in my mind. I shouldn't treat her like a child. She should be able to do whatever the fuck she wanted. So, I turned to JT again, letting him take me away.