lacuna

Chapter Thirty-Five

Fallon's pov

The breeze brushed my hair away from my face as I gazed down at the schoolyard. People were going about their day, no sign of the scene that occurred this morning evident anywhere. But it would be stupid to assume they weren't talking about it. My bag felt heavier every second, minute and hour I spent with the pictures inside of it.

"Hey,". I turned to find Asher standing near the staircase that leads up to the rooftop.

I gave him a smile, "Hi". He was next to me in a few seconds and we both peered out into the yard below.

"How are you feeling?" his voice was gentle.

"Better" I lied.

He nodded, "That's good". The next minutes that passed were in silence. That was until Asher spoke.

"You know" he started, looking down at his hands, propped up on the rail, "When I was small, I...um...There was this girl I liked. As a friend". I looked at him.

He continued, "She was older than me. In fact, she was my babysitter. I...I would be left alone in my house with her most nights and...at first it was fine", he shrugged, "I mean, we watched movies, we played with legos and sometimes, we even had sleepovers". Suddenly my heart started feeling heavy, hoping with everything I had that this story wasn't going anywhere near what I was thinking.

He chewed the inside of his cheek, avoiding my eyes, "I trusted her, actually. More than my own parents. But...um, it was the day after my seventh birthday and we were watching a movie. And...she...uh..."

"Asher..." my heart ached for him.

"She started...um...touching me. She told me that...if I loved her, I would, um...keep it a secret. And the kid I was back then, really loved her. Maybe that was...um...why I let her do all those things to me," he said and when his chest fell, I noticed he released a breath he was holding. He was refusing to look into my eyes but I knew they were filled with tears, trying not to let go. I threw my arms around his torso and pulled him into the tight hug he gave me this very morning. I felt his tears against my neck when he buried his face in my shoulder. I didn't know how to comfort anyone with words. It was never something I was used to. But I tried anyway.

"I'm sorry, Asher. I didn't know. I should've figured it out but I didn't and I'm sorry. Are you feeling okay, now?" I said and kept my hug intact, giving him permission to pull away anytime he wanted.

"Yeah. It's been years. I'm good" he said, "It's just...intimacy freaks me out, you know?".

"Is this okay?". He nodded against my shoulder. I rubbed my hand up and down his back, in a way that I hoped was calming. He stayed like that for a moment, before pulling away, wiping his runny nose. His cheeks were red but his nose wasn't swollen the way mine normally gets after crying. It was painful seeing someone so lively and extroverted being so vulnerable. But this was a side of him he needed to have. For there to be light, there has to be darkness.

"I didn't tell you my story to get pity or... um...anything else out of you" he stated, scratching the back of his head. I waited.

"I want you to know that you aren't alone in this. That I understand and would always have my arms open for you," he said and a smile beamed across his face.

I nodded, "Thank you. I'm really glad you told me that". He grinned proudly with a runny nose and watery eyes, looking like an innocent little kid who got told how good he was. And I couldn't help but smile back. In my eyes, he was the caring guy who wanted to let me know that I wasn't left behind in this, the guy who, despite the stereotypical beliefs in society, was willing to open up about his past. In my eyes, he wanted to make me feel better in his own way.