lacuna

Chapter Forty-One

Fallon's pov

It was December 31st. New Year's Eve.

I gave up. That day, at prom.

I gave up because the world had crushed my will to live, to fight. I had fought for so long and so hard only for everything to come back crashing down on me and I couldn't take it anymore. A person can only take so much before they collapse, right? Some could handle more than others. And some couldn't. Exhaustion set in; mental exhaustion, physical exhaustion. And I just couldn't anymore. I finally lacked the strength to try. I'd searched within me, every inch and corner of my body but all I found were ashes; all the hope and strength I had in me burnt. It meant turning myself off, going through the motions of being alive but being dead inside. My spark was dead. Gone.

As I stared out at the bustling afternoon city from the small nook at my window, I knew there were people out in the world who were still walking around, working, doing the bare minimum in their lives to just get by but had been dead since they were young. And then there were the people that pushed through, found their healing and embraced it.

There was a knock on my bedroom door, dragging me back to the present moment. I wiped at my cheeks, clearing any tears stains, despite how red, swollen and sensitive my eyes felt.

"Yeah?"

I expected Mum or Dad to peek in for some reason. As much as I wanted to see them one final time, I knew they weren't home. Eli's head peeked in and I sprung up from my seat at the window. A grin took place on his face and he stepped inside as I ran over to him, pulling him to me in a hug. I breathed in his scent and hid my face in the fabric of his hoodie to stop any tears that might resurface.

He laughed, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me back, "What's up, nugget?".

"Nothing. I just missed you" I said, my voice coming out muffled as I refused to let go. 

But he stayed nevertheless, letting me hold him for as long as I liked, his lips placing multiple kisses on the top of my head.

"Are you okay?" his voice was gentle. 

I nodded and finally loosened my hold on him, looking up at his eyes.

His brow furrowed, "Baby, you were crying".

I shook my head, "It's nothing-"

He cradled my face in his hands, his thumb caressing my cheek, "Why were you crying, sweetheart?"

"Eli, I'm fine. Please" I pleaded with a sigh and when he looked back at my eyes, he gave in, placing a kiss on each cheek.

"Okay then," he said, unsure. 

I smiled, relieved he let this go.

He spent the rest of the day with me and at around sunset, Asher and Justin came over and we played cards. It all happened slowly as I embedded each moment into my memory. And during the game, when Ash asked me why I always wore a band around my wrist, I smiled and gave it to him. At least he'd have that as a gift from me. It made me feel less guilty about what I was going to do tonight.

"What's that?" it was Justin. I looked up from my set of cards and followed his gaze, my heart skipping a beat when I realised he was talking about the date circled on the calendar hung behind my door. It was today. 31st. My last day.

"Um...Uh, it's just a day I like" I said, clearing my throat, "You know, fireworks and all". Thankfully, the conversation ended there and for the rest of the evening, they remained at my house, making me the happiest I could ever be in my situation.