lacuna

Chapter Nineteen

Fallon's pov

I walked under the roofs of the buildings along the street as I made my way towards my place. My ears rushed with the sound of rain splattering on the roads, creating muddy puddles in random places on the gravel that were lower than they should be. I walked by a glass window of an antique shop and when I caught my reflection in the glass, I halted to a stop. I'd been in such a rush to leave home earlier that I'd thrown on his jacket of all the others I could've grabbed. The azure blue material fell over me in an oversized way and reached past my hips a little, the edge of the sleeves wet with either my tears or rain. No wonder it was so comfortable and cosy. Despite the urge I got to take it off, I wrapped it tighter around myself, burying myself in it and let out a breath. My eyes were lined with red, the tip of my nose swollen and a faint pink as if I just gotten punched in the face. I turned away from the glass and resumed walking down the pavement. Then I smelled it.

A cigarette.

It was normal around town to smell the smoke of a cigar in the streets so I dismissed it like I usually did. I took a right and the moment I lifted my gaze, I skidded to a stop. So did Eli.

The cigarette was placed between his lips and his eyes were open half as if he was tired or sleepy. But when they landed on me, they widened slightly. I stood still, my breath stuck in my throat. The vapour trailing out of the cigar clouded in between us as he took it out from his mouth, holding it in the middle of two of his fingers.

"Hi," he exhaled a cloud of smoke as if he had also been holding his breath. I didn't move or speak. Was he serious?

I looked at him, waiting for him to mention anything about what happened but he didn't. I felt it then. The rush of pent-up anger and hurt I'd felt for him surfaced as if it had finally reached its limit.

"Were you cryi-" his hand reached out, and just as it grazed the underside of my sore eyes, I pulled away, taking a step back.

"So you're that guy, then?" I scoffed, "The 'pretend it didn't happen' guy". His hand dropped and his gaze wavered on mine but I didn't falter. He lowered his eyes onto my shoulder and I realised he was looking at the shirt I wore. His shirt.

My cheeks warmed in embarrassment, "I- I just grabbed it by accident". But before I could do anything, he stopped me. My breath hitched as his warm fingers held my cold ones, preventing me from taking off the shirt.

"Don't you fucking dare, Fal. I gave it to you and I didn't ask for it back" he said.

My jaw clenched, "Well, I don't want it".

The corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk, "Too bad. You'll have to keep it forever". I let my hand fall away from his and gave him a glare. He only lifted an eyebrow, amused.

"So much for not wanting to be seen with the 'freak'", I took a step toward him, looking up at him defiantly and his expression cracked slightly, "I guess I'll frame this and keep it as a reminder to never trust anyone again". With that I pushed past him and hurried down the street, not sparing a single glance. And in the back of my mind, the side I was not so fond of smirked instead.

***************

The rain was more persistent by the time I got home, twisting trees and howling against the wind, spattering furious raindrops on my bedroom window. I curled deeper under my covers, adjusting my laptop on myself in a way that was easy for me to work. As I waited for the screen to light up and allow me to log in, my eyes travelled around the room out of habit. And like always, they stopped on the calendar on the wall, right behind the door in a way that it would be covered. Anyone looking at my room would know that the calendar didn't match its theme; it stood out like a sore thumb. But I was the only one who knew that I had a specifically circled date six months down. It was a sort of challenge. A sort of deadline. To see how long I would last till that day. Only up to that day.