lacuna

Chapter Forty-Two

Eli's pov

I didn't know why but the feeling in the pit of my stomach was unbearable. It was clawing at me, screaming at me to run, to check up on her. As soon as she declined the call before I could do anything else, I tried to call her back. But it went straight to voicemail. Panic ripped at me as I pushed past the grinding bodies dancing to the music, searching for Justin. My eyes roamed the crowd, my heart pounding in my ears as all the horrible, fucked up thoughts kept crashing into me like a train.

"Justin!" I yelled when I spotted him sprawled on a chair. He looked up from his phone screen and his expression turned to worry when he saw me. I probably looked pale as fuck.

"What?", He stood up and I patted his front pockets, searching for the car key.

"Hey, what the fuck? Eli" Justin moved away, gripping my hand, stopping me.

I yanked my hand away, "Just give me the fucking key, it's Fallon".

His brows furrowed, "What?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, I'm scared, okay? She just gave me a call and fuck, she was acting weird and-" Before I could finish, running a stressful hand through my hair, Justin muttered a "Shit", under his breath and was sprinting to the door. I followed.

I kept dialling her number over and over again as I got in the passenger seat and Justin got on the driver's. Suddenly, the past few days were fragments inside my head;

"I didn't really think about my future yet"
"You're going to end up getting hurt"
"I wish I'd be able to see you graduate"
"You get the premium one"

The wristband, the hair tie, the headphones, the prolonged hugs and kisses.

No. No, fuck, no.

"Where is she?" Justin asked and I snapped out of the chaos in my head.

"Home" I dialled her number again.

"Is she alone? Her parents?"

"Fuck her parents, they leave her all alone for weeks with just a fucking text," I said, my leg bouncing as I listened to her voicemail. Justin was speeding, whizzing past cars followed by angry yells and loud horns. That was when the first firework went off, illuminating the sky and lighting up the entire city.

**********************

Fallon's pov

Tears ran down my cheeks as I lay on the floor, too dizzy and messed up to move. Blood pooled around me from the wide, deep slashes across my arms and the effects of the pills were working fast. It was scary. Why was I doing this? I have a long life ahead of me. Do I truly want to die? There were loud bangs from outside and heavy footsteps running up the stairs but I didn't take any of that into account. Was that fireworks? Was it finally midnight?

"Fallon?" it was him.

Was I hallucinating? Was it Eli?

"Fallon? Where the fuck are you?" he yelled.
There was a rapid knocking on the bathroom door, "Are you in here? Goddamit, fucking answer me!".
But I couldn't. I didn't feel. He started rattling the door handle and the next thing I knew, he was slamming against it repeatedly as tears streamed down my skin, fear surrounding me. The door burst open and there was silence. Then he was next to me, kneeling beside me, not caring that his knees were getting covered with my blood as he took me into his arms, cradling my face.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Justin, call an ambulance!" he yelled and his voice was an echo in my head. My vision blurred and I could feel my eyes rolling back. And only when I saw his face, his fear-filled eyes that I let it slip, the guilt weighing on me.