The Gamma's Daughter

Chapter Fifty Five

Mercy

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One foot in front of the other I moved at my fastest speed yet. I pushed myself harder and harder until I came to a skidded stop. The spring fed lake in front of me offered just a fraction of comfort he used to bring me.

I stripped down to my bra and underwear before making my way into the water. My chest was completely covered before I stopped and took in the beauty around me.

This was the first place he held me in his arms. The first place I actually began to let my control go just to be touched by him. Even though I didn't know it then, this would always be a place that held many beautiful memories we had together.

Will this be what I always feel? This empty and alone? Even if he does come back and want me, when he is old and grey will I still feel the pain of what's to come like now? When he is gone and dust beneath the soil, will I feel like this for eternity until I've had enough and wished that when he removed his hands from my chest he had actually had taken my heart with him?

I don't want to be alone forever..

I submerged under the water swimming to the very cave that used to hold the baby alligator. When I swam inside it was empty. Still alone.. I settled down at the bottom pulling a heavy rock I'm sure someone used to get down here quickly with onto my lap. With my back leaned against the side of the cave I sat quietly until the silence and pain was too much to handle.

I screamed into the water with everything I had inside me and when I stopped I felt the water rush into my lungs. It did no harm to me, but cause some discomfort. Had I needed to breathe I would have welcomed the easy way out.

I would much rather feel some physical pain than to feel what I have felt since the day I woke up from Finn's little sleeping spell. I just want to go back!

I watched the fish come and go and even smiled at the ones that stayed close. They were ever so curious of the being sitting quietly amongst them. I hadn't noticed just how long I had been truly watching them. All I knew it was peaceful besides the occasional push on my mental wall.

I didn't want to be bothered, but at least they knew I was close. I looked up as a bright light casted upon me. The moon shone full and high in the sky. So alone she is.

The moon is shining bright tonight. She is like a lonely beacon in the sky casting a glow upon the earth we walk upon just sitting up there watching as we pass her by.

She seems so far, so out of reach. Almost like a distant friend that I can't touch, but in her light I find a peace, a
sense of comfort, and for a second I'm not alone.

She like a friend that's always there. Always constant in a world that changes nonstop. The Moon Goddess listens as we share our thoughts with her and watches as our lives unfurl.

So from now on when I feel alone at night, I'll just remember to look up at the moon above. To remember that she is always there to guide me through the dark. She is a true symbol of eternal love.

I push the rock off my lap and swim to the surface. I cough quickly as all the water rushes out of my mouth from my body. When I feel myself stabilizing, I swam back to the shore where I left my clothes. These clothes are not mine. Just another change in my life.

I look up ahead towards the way to the new Pack's house. Fuck it. I'm going to visit home. Again, I take off into the cool night. The water on my skin and the breeze in the air leaving behind goose bumps. I push myself faster wanting nothing more than to be home again.

Until I was. I stood on the front path that leads into our home. The one we shared together and the one I would probably never sleep in again, but for one more night I will allow myself to.

I pushed open the unlocked front door. The whole place was surprisingly untouched. I was sure our house would be a wreck after McWay and his mutts vandalized the Pack house.

Taking one step at a time I made my way to the top of the stairs and walked into our room. Our scents danced together soothing me. My first though was a shower. It's all I could think about as the cool air kissed my barely covered skin.

The shower was at full heat as the fog filled the bathroom. I stepped in quickly shutting the door behind me. The hot water beating down on my shoulder made me moan softly out loud. Finn's Coven's hot water was nothing compared to the Pack's.

I stood there until the water ran warm, then drowned myself in his body wash. I wanted anything that was his on me. I shut the water off wrapping a towel around me and walked into the room to the closet.

After pulling on a fresh pair of lace thongs I turned to Bash's shirts. Each one hung without a wrinkle in sight. Even when they have been washed or touched by him in weeks, his scent still clings on tight to the cotton not wanting to be forgotten. I could appreciate that.

I pulled a simple black shirt off the hanger and brought it to my nose. His scent was just as strong as it would be if he was here with me now, but he isn't and I have an empty room to prove it. I slid the shirt on before climbing into our bed.

I sighed as the familiar comfort washed over me. I've missed our soft mattress more than I could explain. Rolling on my side I placed my hand in the spot he would normally sleep in. I didn't stop the tears from falling even as I fell asleep.

I just want to go back..

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