The Gamma's Daughter

Chapter Sixty One

Mercy

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Grief. It's such an ugly, yet freeing thing. What is it like? I'm not sure, but I know the start of some healing processes drive you to do crazy things. The day James told me to go grieve, I wasn't sure what he meant.

Should I grieve the people I lost along the way, my dead Brother, my Wolf who I have had by my side since the day I came into the world, the fact that my life will never come to an end unless I or someone else ends it? What do I choose first?

I've tried staying submerged for a day and a half in the lake. I wanted to remember those I lost and wished I could give them the breath I no longer needed anymore. I went and visited my old Pack's empty territory. It had been sold to a buyer and yet it sat unused. Untouched.

Their graves bloomed with the wild flowers and I just knew it was their way of giving back to the Earth. From the Earth we rise and to the Earth we return. That's what we believe and this just goes to show just how much that saying rings true.

I spent a whole day at my Brothers grave. It hurts to even think, say, or hear his name. I never wanted to be the last of us. It shouldn't have ended this way for him. He has so much to live for starting with his unborn Pup and his beloved Mate. They needed him. We all needed him! Why did he have to leave us so soon?

I tried to start small conversations with Bash whenever we crossed paths. He just wouldn't look at me or talk back. I hoped for him to yell or scream at me. Something! His silence and cold shoulder hurt a lot worse because at least if he was yelling at me, he would be looking at me. I gave up after a week.

I spent time alone. I went to the club more. It was the only time I truly felt alive again. If anyone showed up there, they would find me with a bloody Mary in one hand and a blunt in the other.

Yeah, I started smoking. It's been helping my emotions calm down and keep me from worrying so much. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner honestly.

I looked down at my phone as it buzzed for the umpteenth time today. I just ignored it, tossed it back down on the bed, and went to the bathroom to get ready.

You see, I thought leaving in the middle of the night when no one was awake to question me or my decision was a good idea. I packed my bags, loaded up my car that my Mom gifted me, then set out to find myself again. I didn't need to explain shit to anyone and I'm tired of answering to everyone all the time.

So, I sent a mass text to everyone letting them know I was fine, I needed time away, and I would update them regularly on how I was doing. That was two weeks ago. I only answer my Mom and Hope every day and I'll let Finn know I'm alive every other day. Literally, all I text him is 'Still alive' and that's it.

I've gotten used to not checking my phone for anything from Bash after the first week. I should have known it would have happened. He doesn't care anymore. Not about me or anyone. He is full of so much hate, it's just sad.

I'm trying to come to terms that he'll never hold me or love me the way he used to. I would say I'm doing good at it.

I finished applying my makeup, then smiled at myself in the mirror. Tonight was going to be fun. Then again, that's what I say every night and guess what? I'm always right.

I decided on walking since my room was only a block from my destination. Shirleys temple. I'm not sure why they called it that, but it was a pretty awesome club with pretty awesome people. There were Humans, Wolves, Vamps, Witches, and Mages all here. This place was for popular and for good reason.

"Back again?" The bouncer smiled at me.
"How could I stay away?"

He chuckled letting me in as I smiled to him. He was Human and completely oblivious to the supernatural beings around him. They all were. It just goes to show how naive Human really were. They may be pitiful little things, but they sure know how to party.

Not even fifteen minutes of being there I already had downed two drinks and was working on my third. A blonde mage took the seat next to me, then ordered a beer. He turned to me while waiting and started a conversation.

"I've never seen you here before." He smiled.
"Then you must not have been here in the past two weeks."
"I have." He corrected me.
"Then you must have missed me. I've been here every night."
"Party girl. Okay okay." He chuckled.

The bartender handed him his drink to which he paid, then turned to me cheers.

"Be safe in here. There's a lot of creepy ass Humans that come here." He warned before walking away.

I took his warning and threw it away. I'm not worried about a Human. Or should I be? I looked around me before shrugging.

"Lyla, may I get two blunt please?"
"Your usual?" She smiled knowingly.
"Please and thank you."
"Coming right up." She said before bending down.

After receiving the good stuff, I placed one in my hand bag and the other I lit on the spot. Supernatural beings don't get effected by normal Human shit so we got smart. By we I mean whoever made this stuff strong enough to effect us like it would a Human.

I gave it a second to kick in before sliding to the dance floor. I danced with a group of Vamps as we sang, drank, and smoke the night away. I felt so alive! It was exciting to just enjoy the moment instead of worrying about my hatful Mate or the aftermath of the war.

I stumbled to the bar handing Lyla my card to close my tab. I knew my limit and I had reached it. I needed to go back to my hotel.

I tried to walk right, but my heels were giving me balance issues. Yes, my heels. I giggled while walking outside with my heels in hand. I must look like a drunken wreck, but I didn't care. I was somehow alive, healthy, and the happiest I've been in awhile.

It took me maybe forty five minutes to get to the elevator of my hotel. I kept stopping to lean against something due to the dizziness. I loved the feeling in the moment, but morning time sucked. It was all worth the nights though.

The elevator doors opened just as I took a hit of my freshly lit blunt. Probably not the best idea to smoke in an elevator, but who cares? I'm fucking living life right now. I struggled to get to my door, but when I did I unlocked it and stumbled through the door laughing, then closing it behind me.

"Mercy?"

I turned and the last person I expected to be here was sitting on my couch with a worried look.

Shit.. always a fucking buzz kill.

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