TW: Suicide, sh
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You woke up happy. Today was your last day. You got out of bed, got changed, and made your bed all with a smile on your face almost the whole time. Then you sat on your bed and gave up the whole smiling shit. You grabbed your blade from your phone case and then took off your jumper. You looked at your arm all red and lumpy and cut up, shredded almost. You then cut into the inside of your arm as deep as you could a few times until there was no space left. These cuts were deeper than you had ever done. The blood was coming out quicker, but you liked it.
You put your jumper back on and then grabbed your notes and tablets and put the notes on your pillow and the tablets into your pocket. You then walked into the living room where about half of the ghouls were. "I'm going for a walk." You stare, and they all look at you and smile, and some say, "Have fun." And stuff you smile and then grab a water out of the fridge and walk out the back door. You walk to the woods and then look down and see your leaving a few spots of blood but you don't care. Your just so desperate to be gone.
You sit down and then take all 30 tablets and then slouch against the tree and close your eyes. Then you feel dizzy and sleepy and you fall asleep. And you don't wake up, your finally at peace. You left everyone behind, heartbroken but you were at peace. You
(I messaged this to one of my friends and I can't be arsed to re word it to fit the story)
I'm leaving everyone, probably heart broken as well. I'm putting myself out of pain, physical pain I have been suffering in for the last 1yr 8months mental pain I have felt suicidal since like October. Ptsd flash backs, flinching, being terrified, being away from my mum, being free. Not having a massive weight in my chest or my head being cloudy anymore. Earlier for about 3 seconds or so my head was clear I haven't felt like that, ever. It was quiet I was lighter then it all went foggy again, I haven't felt that since the day I started pre school (3 years old) how am I ever meant to feel that again if I don't know how I did it, I know what I'm doing. I'm breaking hearts leaving people with 1 less person in their life but I'm also setting myself free. I won't do anything not rn, you just asked what I'm doing and I know, I've thought about it over and over for months and months, I know, but I won't be suffering anymore, so for once I'm not going to be a people pleaser, I'm not going to sacrifice my happiness for everyone else I'm gonna do something for myself, even if it does destroy other people I won't be here to see it.
That's what you did, left everyone behind, your bf that cared about you (maybe), you left him. You left your family, as much as they made you feel like what you did they still cared, you left your friends, heart broken, feeling like failure. But you took yourself out of pain, so much fucking pain. The end...
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So now if your wondering why I want to end it so badly that's why. I'm tired, I can't do this, I've got maybe 2 weeks max but that's all I got left in me. Please don't try save me I don't want to be saved anymore. I'll miss everyone I'm leaving (except my family tbh) and I really wish there was a different outcome where things could get better but I just can't go on anymore. I'm so sorry to everyone that tried to save me, I'll try to finish and post some drafts before I go but uhm yeah, I don't know how people just live I tried that, I really did, but I'm so tired.
