TW:PTSD, slight panic attack, sh, wanting to die
Don't ask why it's always Sodo and Rain OK. Rain has anxiety so works for angst and Sodo is 1. Rain's bf (it's canon convince me otherwise) and 2. Also good for angst. Anyways read on, or don't idc.
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Rain's Pov~
I walked onto the stage with Sodo and Aether. I stood in my place and then the curtain fell and I started playing. The ritual was going smoothly. I wasn't panicking too much, I didn't mind all the eyes on me. Then someone threw something at me. I know they think it's funny but when I was in hell people threw things at me and I had broken bones from it sometimes it was bad. I immediately started crying but I knew how to not make it obvious. Sodo walked over a couple seconds later and rested his uead on my shoulder. "What's wrong?" He asked me. "Someone threw something at me." I say while crying and my shoulder start slightly shaking. He hugs he from behind and kisses me shoulder subtly and I calm down. Sodo calms me down, makes me realize im not I'm danger.
I stopped crying and kept playing and then the ritual continued. Closer to the end of it I was caught of guard by a bang played wrong and it instantly made me cry again. I had to be prepared, I used to get beaten all the time I can't deal with sudden loud noises. I looked down and lucking for me Sodo was making noise so I held my head and shook it while crying my eyes out. (Let's say hyperthetically he had face paint on and no balaclava) I then put my head up after Sodo had done and took some deep breaths. I walked over to Sodo and then started rubbing my face in his neck and shoulder and then cry a but more. "The bang." I whisper, "I know, I'm gonna teach that guy a lesson for making you like this. Your face paints smudged." He says and I nod and quickly run to the edge of stage and they fix it.
We finish the last song and then it sets in. I look out to the audience and see how many people are out there looking at us. I did the bow and then hung around the stage while clinging to Sodo, I didn't care about the act anymore I just wanted someone... Sodo. When he walked off I quickly followed behind him and then as soon as I walked off of stage I took my mask off and started hyperventilating. "Rain do your breathing. In 2-3-4, put 2-3-4." He says and I do it. I slowly calm down and then grab my helmet and walk out to the bus and then grab my teddy, and my Sodo and sit in his lap and cuddle my teddy between us two.
He strokes my hair and I cry and I lean down and start kissing his neck gently. He doesn't like it when I bite or suck my thumb or chew the inside of my lips and cheek so I do that instead. "Rain.." Sodo says, "Mhm?" I ask him. "We're here." He says and then I nod but don't move, he chuckles slightly and then picks us up and carries us into the hotel and then up to our room after agreeing we would all go to dinner soon. When we got upstairs, I laid down on the bed for a couple minutes while cuddling him and then got ready to go eat. Then we went and ate and then got back to the hotel.
I then sit and wait for Sodo to sleep. I'm such a terrible ghoul, I can't even go up on stage, that's what ghouls are meant to do. It's all my fault I got beaten I was a bad kid. I shouldn't have been breathing too loudly or had my elbows on the table I deserved all those days without food, those belt hits, all of them. Now I have to deal my own punishment. Once he was asleep I made sure by shaking him and he was asleep. I sat up and then got the blade I kept in my phone case out. I took off my hoodie and then cut. Only at the top of my arm so that it wasn't very visible in my ghoul outfit. I kept cutting, then I heard a gasp.
I dropped the blade and turned to Sodo to see him awake. "Bby what are you doing to yourself?" He asks and I just cry. I cry so loudly and I don't try to stop myself I just cry. "I'm such a terrible person. I take up so much of your life because I'm shy and have panic attacks and I just cant do this anymore." I wail and then he shakes his head and hugs me tightly. We hear a knock on the door and Sodo says cone in and I hide my face in his chest but I can't seem to stop crying. The blade is still somewhere on the bed and my arms were still bleeding, probably getting on the pillows. "What's wrong?" Swiss asks when he walks in and Sodo tells him and asks him to leave. I keep crying while he strokes my hair and then fall asleep before i realize. When I wake up the next morning my arm is bandaged and I thank Sodo. Then he makes me start therapy and I get better the end.
