Its been a while since I've written am angst but I just need to clear my head. If you are going to hate just leave this chapter right fucking now coz I will seriously kill myself if anyone leaves a hate comment on this, I am at my breaking point and all I need is my thirteenth reason i guess, I already have more than 13 but yk what I mean
TW: suicide
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hiii! How are you?" You smile as you walk into the kitchen, seeing Sodo drinking. "I'm good how are you?" Sodo smiles back and you swallow. "I'm good!" You say cheerily and then grab a drink from the fridge and then go back to your room. You sit in bed and then go on tiktok for a while, ignoring the sadness doomed to fall over you, not that you were happy anyway, just neutral. Almost numb, again. It's the season change, it- just you feel so so bad. And your family is getting worse, daily arguments, constantly spamming your phone blaming you for yet again something you didn't even know about. Its always your fault.
You stare at the wall, not even seeing it just thinking about- something. The door opens and you snap your head towards the light and smile when you see Aether walk in. "Heyyy! It's been a while since I've seen you." You say and jump out of bed and hug him. "Heyy." He says and hugs you back chuckling. "The ghouls wanted to say that dinners ready, I'm eating with you all today." Aether says and you smile and then quickly grab your phone and then you both walk to dinner.
You sit at the table and eat whilst talking to all the ghouls, like old times. Lately you'd all stop eating together most nights, everyone grabbed their food and went to their room, it's different without Aether, you love Phantom but it's not the same. So now Aether was back today it was like old times and you were sure as hell going to make the most out of it, knowing how bad you are gonna feel later.
Then later came, Aether left soon, you knew it he just wouldn't tell anyone. All the ghouls were practising, just like old times, and you were filling in for Aurora during the practise while she was busy. "What the hell y/n! You messed it up! It's all your fault." Sodo shouts at you as you forget a line, resulting in him forgetting the song. You nod, getting up and leaving the room, reason number 13.
You grab some pills you've had for months and then lock your bedroom door and put your dresser in the way so they can't break it down, then you sit on your bed and take the tablets. 30 of them, it's enough to kill you. You sit ack and just go on your phone, waiting for the all too familiar feeling. You've overdosed before, it failed obviously but you remember exactly what it feels like. It's not nice but at the same time it's the best feeling ever, knowing eternal peace is only a few minutes away, definitely makes the nausea and dizziness and head spinning and other feelings worth it, because this time you won't fail.
About 30 minutes later your head starts spinning and you heart beating faster. You go onto the group chat of the ministry and text goodbye to the ghouls. Then you shut your eyes and let the exhaustion take over, putting yourself into a deep sleep.
The ghouls saw the text and ran to your room. They all took it in turns hitting and scratching at the door and eventually they got through, by scratching the wall out next to the door. By that point you were already dead though, you were finally at peace.
~~~~~~~~
This is shit but idc
