So my mh is quickly declining and has been for aboit 2 weeks or so maybe idk bad memory 🤪 (also its 4:24 am rn and I need sleep but I can't sleep, tomorrow is not gonna be a good day)
TW: Cutting, this is kind of a vent, being annoyed at health stuff, knowing someone is sh-ing but not stopping them coz you know how much it helps and that forcing them to stop would hurt them more than doing it.
Also please don't read if you're going to be triggered and if you still decide to and get triggered don't take it out on me in my comments.
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Two months, 25 days, 2 hours and 45 minutes. 86 days. Since you last cut. You had logic. Since you got caught you did stop, minus one on your thigh but that doesn't count. Now that the season is changing its hoodie season again. Nobody will say anything if you wear a hoodie all the time.
You had been wearing a hoodie for the last few days consistently to see if anyone would say anything and as you suspected nobody said anything. Perfect.
Currently you were sat in bed debating aboit cutting yourself or not. Since being caught everybody thought you had no more blades but you always have since, you just hid them better. You got up and then walked to your closet and grabbed the small bag you hid them in. You grabbed the whole pack and then went into your bathroom. You had never cut deep. Only baby cuts. For some reason everytime you cut you couldnt go deep but you're different now. You've changed since the last time. You're in more pain everyday, you've definitely had more injuries for some reason. Well not 'for some reason' your health has been declining. You can't walk without falling, everytime you try enjoy something your health destroys all of the happiness. And you hide it from everyone, well most people.
You opened the packet of blades and grabbed a fresh one. A new one. The sharper the better, then you took off your jumper and looked down at your old scars. Your skin must be weird. Sometimes you look at your scars and you can't even see them but a few hours later you can look and they will look so deep. But it's fine, this time your gonna make sure you damage something. You don't have anything to treat it with but that's fine, you'll manage.
You take a deep breath and then press the blade into your skin, already going deeper than you ever have. Then you drag it across your skin, only probably 2-3 inches long but you've never done something like this. It feels amazing, it hurts so fucking good. Just like you always wanted. You let it drip down into a mini towel and then decide to pull it apart. Then a small line starts squirming out and you quickly catch it in the towel. Blood is already all over your hands and you love it. You've never cut so deep before it's amazing, like anything you've ever wanted.
This one's definitely going to need treatment though. You wait a couple minutes and the bleeding mostly stops. You look through all of your bathroom and then bedroom and luckily find a mini first aid kid. You grab some bandages and roughly wrap it up. Then you clean your hands and then put your jumper on and grab your keys to go get some stuff to treat it.
As you walk out of your room you see Phantom outside your door. "Hey y/n! How are you?" He asks and you smile. "I'm good how are you?" You say in response. "I'm good! I was wondering if you wanted to maybe watch a movie?" He asks and you out on a pout. "I'm sorry I was just aboit to go to the store." You say and he nods. "Could I come with you?" He asks and you fake smile and nod. "Uhm sure bit FYI I'm going to get tampons so you might wanna wait in the car." You lie and he smiles. "Okay!" He says and you both walk to the car and then drive to the store.
"I'll be two minutes." You say. "Actually I think im gonna get some snacks! But you can get what you need by yourself obviously." He says and you smile and then you both get out and walk into the store. You walk in the direction of the tampons and as soon as he isn't looking you walk to the health stuff. You loon around and grab some alcohol wipes, some gauze and bandages and then some massive plasters (bandaids) and then you turn around and see Phantom looking at you just as shocked.
"Uhm hey, what're you doing in this isle?" You ask and he looks down at the floor. Then he glances at your stuff. "I was here to buy, well that." He says and points to what you are holding. "Oh..." You say. "Did you hurt yourself?" He asks and you look away and nod. "What did you do?" You ask and he sighs. "I did too." He says and you nod. "Okay well three options. We never speak of this moment again or we both get what we need and make sure we are both treating our cuts right. Or we make sure we are treating it right and then you have to stop." You say and he tilts his head. "You have to stop." He says and you shake your head. "No its hoodie season, I well I thought I could hide it." You say and he nods. "How about we just make sure each other is treating them right and not make each other guilty knowing we both can't stop?" He asks and you nod. He grabs what he needs and then you both check out and then drive home.
"So when did you start?" He asks quietly. "Well I cut myself today for the first time since I got caught but overall I started a couple years ago. What about you?" You ask. "I saw some tiktok a couple weeks ago explaining something and I noticed that the person has red lines all down their arms and I wanted to recreate it coz it looked cool and I thought it was in spirit of Halloween so I searched how to get them and it took me to this sight and I saw a lot of people with them and there were videos of people cutting themselves and I tried to ignore it but I couldn't so then I did it and it felt good, so I just kept doing it. But I remembered that it wasn't a good thing so I hid it." He said and you nodded. "I'm sorry." You whisper.
You both get home and go to your room where you take off the bandage and then clean up the blood and properly clean it. Then Phantom shows you his and you immediately feel jealous. You don't know why, you shouldn't be jealous but you are. He wraps his and then you both cuddled and sleep. The end
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I literally wrote this is 30 minutes and I cannot remember a single thing I've wrote. Also FYI I haven't cut myself
