Switching sides

11

Camila

"Camila"

My mind is groggy as I shift in the bed, my eyes refuse to open. It's too early I think to myself. I'm still tired as I snuggle deeper into the sheets. Suddenly I feel a hand on my arm and my eyes fly open. Because the hand on me is small, not rough like I know Shawn's to be. I glance around to see I'm in a hotel room. Last night's memories come flooding back in, Shawn, the movies, and Taylor. Groaning I roll over and it is a warm body.

"Morning sleepyhead" I assume Taylor says

"5 more minutes " I groan

The bed feels way to comfortable to get up.

"We gotta get to the stadium for sound check soon," she says

Wait what.

I sit up and glance at the clock. 11:47 am

Shit

"I'm so going to get it" I groan

"Camila you're worth more than how he treats you," Taylor says

My anger ignites and boils over

"And how you even know, you don't know Shawn nor can you keep a man" I spit back at her

Suddenly I feel sick, I wanna take back those words that I already have fired at her. Her face drops and I feel the defeat radiate off of her body.

"Taylor I'm so-"

"It's fine," Taylor says standing up

I feel out of my body. As if I don't belong. She starts walking out of the room.

"I'm leaving in 10 if you want a ride" she throws over her shoulder.

I'm a shitty person

By the time we reach the stadium, it's well past 12 and my stomach is growling. Food later first I need to find Shawn. Taylor doesn't say a word to me as we separate, her feelings hurt. I make my way to the stage knowing Shawn is doing a routine sound check, his voice echoing off the walls of the stadium. I'm going to miss touring with him once this is over soon. Maybe the next one will be his tour. I step onto the side stage before Shawn sees me.

"Karla" he yells and runs over to me

Why won't he call me Camila? Why's it HAVE to be Karla? I hate Karla.

"Oh my gosh your okay," he says pulling me in

"Yeah I'm good," I say not wrapping my arms around him.

"Where were you, I looked everywhere " he breathes

"You mean after you left me for three hours, " I say standing my ground

His eyes shift to the people behind me then back.

"I'm glad you're okay," he says avoiding my statement " Where did you stay overnight," he asks grabbing my arm

"Taylor's" I hmm

His eyes darken and his posture goes ridged.

"I too-"

"No Shawn " I step back from him "If you want to make it through this tour then I need a friend other than you, you have to accept that. " I say

Shawn goes to speak but I cut him off again

"And you cannot get mad when I go out, I need friends like you. You cant keep me locked in the bus all day. " I say crossing my arms

Shawn is quiet when he nods.

"I'll be better, I'm sorry. Be friends with her, get your nails done, and watch movies please just don't leave me" he says grabbing my hand

I just nodded as he wraps his arm around me. He's changing I say to myself.

"I was worried," he says into my hair.

"Finish your sound check" I mumble and walk away from him.

One step in the right direction. Keep going. I beg myself not to turn back around and apologize profusely. No Camila keep going keep going. But the tears prick my eyes, and suddenly I'm crying, I can't stop them as I wipe my face.

My walk becomes a sprint as I make my way back to the bus with only occasional head turns. Once inside I curl up on the couch and close my eyes. I don't want anything to change. Stop stop stop STOP.

My head reels and I can't get it to stop, my breathing coming in fast. In a daze, I get up gripping the table and then the wall for support. Finding my way to the bathroom. My eyes are blurry I find the knob to the shower and then turn it on. Water soaking my body as the coldness makes me breathe. I'm shocked by the water and torn out of my panic attack, I'm safe, I'm safe, Shawn is not mad.

I breathe a few more breathes before turning the water off. Pushing up off the floor I strip my wet clothes off my body and throw them into the hamper. Quickly making my way to my small drawer of clothes I slip on a pair of biker shorts and an oversized t-shirt. My hair is still in the braids yet dripping wet. I keep it how it is and walk back to the front. I'm still alone. What's my deal recently?? 

Suddenly the bus door opened and in walked Shawn, I glance at him to see he was smiling. He walks toward me and engulfs me in a hug, but I can't help but compare it to how Taylor's hands felt in my hair last night. His hug holds a small amount of Taylor showed me through braiding my hair. I try not to let it sting.

"I missed you," he says into my hair

I want to turn and hide, my feelings conflicted.

"I missed you too," I say not feeling those emotions fully

"Babe you're making me feel warm," Shawn says pressing himself into my body.

I could feel his erection through his jeans, but I was not in the mood for sex. I hardly wanted to have a conversation with anyone right now.

"Shawn I'm not in the mood" I mumble

I feel his body tense and he takes a breath.

"Karla I support you, the least you could do is help me out here," he says

How rude of me, I realize how selfish I sound and how true his words are. I can't help but nod and let him pull my bottoms down.

He shoves me onto the small table making me lean over it. My hands hit the table and I feel him yank my hair.

I want to protest, to beg to wait because I feel exposed and not ready but I already feel Shawn line up at my entrance and plunge in.

He wasted no time, by his grunts I can tell he was seconds from release. I'm slightly disgusted by the fact I'm not involved in this my mind refuses to accept the fact. Shawn pulls out and finished jerking off over my ass. Great another shower. I mentally slap myself for being so ungrateful. He provides for me, loves me,  fucks me and I'm set off by the fact he's  horny. No wonder he gets mad. I mentally curse myself for being like this.

When I hear him finish he smacks my Ass

"Thanks baby" he whispers and I hear him exit.

"Pull it together Camila" I mumble to myself