Switching sides

31

Camila (cause who else)

I trusted Taylor, with my life.

So why did I feel like this?

She was in her office wrapping up a few things for an album, while I sat here in the hammock. This is what I did- all the time. I had no other life than this. The past few days we both have been lazy- staying up late and sleeping in, ordering food, and watching movies.
Anything to avoid the fact of what's about to come. We refused to speak about it- knowing if we did a cascade of emotions would follow.

We had a small meeting before the actual hearing- and since this was mostly a civil matter, the judge decided to keep it in one session. The less the better.

Our little fantasy of bliss was about to be popped.

Back to Why I'm feeling this way. I was scrolling through Twitter and of course, things pop up about Taylor but today it's been worse- people believe that she and that football player are together, that she's going to his next game here in New York, and even making t-shirts of them both.

I tried not to let it bother me but even subconsciously it does- eating away at my mind.

The media knows nothing about me- who I am, I'm a nobody. Part of me likes that but I feel like she's not mine. It's like how I was with him invisible.

I sigh and shift in the hammock. I trust Taylor- so why am I letting this get the best of my thoughts?

Sliding out of the hammock I make my way inside and to her office. Hee little creative room. Pushing the door open I see she's mixing something on the board. I walk up to her and wrap my arms around her shoulders to the front of her chest, laying my head on her shoulder.

"Hey Tay" I mumble

She stops what she's doing and looks at me.

"Why didn't you tell me you wrote a song" Taylor Hums

I felt the blood drain from my face.

I could lie- no, why would I need to do that? This is Taylor. Taking a deep breath in I gain my confidence back.

" I wasn't sure about it " I mumbled taking a seat next to her on the bench facing the other direction so both of our right shoulders were brushing on each other.

"What's making you think it's not good enough "

Glance into her to see she is looking at me. I can't lie to her- after everything we have been through, everything I have put her through.

"It's hard to talk about it," I say looking away out the window into the backyard.

"Let me try to understand" she whispers

Taylor shifts pulling her leg up and turning her body so it's facing me more- her hand slides into mine and she wraps her fingers around. How could I say no to this woman?

"I've always loved music" I began

A gentle squeeze from Taylor was enough encouragement to keep going.

"I kept it hidden the past few years- because of him.  He never liked it, my music would cause so many issues. So I stopped" I whispered out

" I took all of that and pushed it into a box and threw it off a cliff....... It's now that the ocean is throwing my music back to me, demanding to be heard" I sigh

"Cam" Taylor whispers

I glance at her and her eyes are wet, not yet dripping down her face.

"I had to get it out of my head or I was going to lose it, and now that it is I don't know what to do," I say and start to play with her fingers.

"You don't have to do anything"

I know what she meant, it didn't have to become anything, it could stay here forever and be my music, my freedom. I didn't know what I wanted, especially now that I needed to deal with him in court and the press.
It was a whole new scary world for me. Different hate and angles coming at me. And I didn't know how to behave. Almost as if I've switched sides. Accidentally snorting I cover my mouth in embarrassment.

"What was that for," Taylor asks

" I just thought about how I've "switched sides" both in my thinking and all that and I'm my relationship " I smile a little

"C- you are one pretty girl," Taylor says and I blush.

"We got this" I mumbled

Taylor looks at me and smiles

"You and me"