Switching sides

28

Camila

I spent the rest of the day looking for jobs, I needed to get back on my feet and out of Taylor's house. I needed to. Taylor mentioned getting back tonight but I wasn't sure of when. Especially after seeing her with some guy, I wasn't in the mood for her antics.

Making my way to her liquor cabinet I pulled a bottle of wine off the shelf and popped the top off. I needed an edge. Bringing the bottle to my lips I took a few chugs and made my way outside

"Stupid hammock" I mumbled

I passed it and kept walking out onto the grass, I stopped about halfway out and looked into the tree like, if he's out there I'd rather him get me now. I make a fool of myself anyway.

I took the bottle down with me when I lay down on the grass and took large swigs of it. It was slowly but surely setting in, soon I'd forget my feelings and how much I liked her. And how fucked up her signals were.

Fuck her

Fuck her beautiful face

And her soft lips

And -

No, I wasn't doing this right now.

Drinking more out of the bottle I noticed how empty it was so I threw it at her house and it landed below the steps. Staring at the stars felt nice. But I looked up and they weren't there it was dark in the sky too but at least They knew what they were supposed to do and who they were. Unlike me who's stuck in this reality. This fucked up reality. Before I knew it my face was wet but not the reason I thought, rain. It started sprinkling down from the sky and I stayed there.

Why should I move? What is rain going to hurt? I stayed there on the now wet grass and let the rain soak me.

I like to think about my life when I'm alone, who I am, and what I've accomplished compared to others around me and or at my age. I wanted to be better- do better. But I felt trapped in this cycle.

I let out a scream, one of frustration and envy. Why couldn't it be easy for me, I wanted an easy life.

What would have been different if I never met Shawn? Where would I be in the world? Maybe I'd have a career by now, a place of my own, Simone who lives and cares about me.

"Camila"

I heard my name, I knew I did. I was drunk not wasted. Where was it coming from?

"CAMILA" I heard screaming

Sitting up slightly I saw a blurred version of Taylor running toward me from the steps.

Great I thought to myself.

My vision swayed and I pressed my lips together- keep it down.

"What are you doing out here in the rain, You going to catch a cold" Taylor shrieked

"Go away" I mumbled and threw myself back to the grass.

She quickly appeared above me on her knees lifting me by my shoulders.

"Get off me" I groaned and tried to jerk away- but her grip was tight.

"No Camila, are you drunk??" she asked

I rolled my eyes, I hated being this close to her. Her perfume filled my breathing air and it made it harder to concentrate.

"You are- let's get inside," she said grabbing my hand

I yanked it back

"Let me be" I shot at her

Taylor's face softened

"Camila if this is about Shawn it's going to be okay," she said

Of course- she thinks this is about fucking shabby boy. I suddenly didn't want me be near her, I felt sick. Getting to my feet Taylor pulled me up making sure I was stable.

"Go ask your lover boy" I sneered shoving her away by the shoulder

I started to walk inside before she quickly grabbed my arm spinning me around. The world spun and my insides jumped.

"What?" She shot back

"Your new shiny toy to flaunt around " I yelled.

The tears were back this time and I didn't stop them, I was so hurt and confused and sad. I was over it all.

"Cam what are you talking about" Taylor asked confused.

"You and your football player driving off into the sunset- dancing at the restaurant "I sneered

Taylor's face dropped as if she was caught in the act.

"I knew it " I mumbled and turned around walking back to the door.

"It's not like that Camila, I swear" she practically yelled.

The rain came down harder at this point, thunder blasted through my ears and lightning flashed across the sky.

"That's bullshit" I screamed and kept walking

Fingers dug into my arm and twisted me back around. Taylor was now soaked in the rain, her hair dripping wet.

"Camila I swear nothing happened between us" she begged

"It doesn't matter anyway, we were never anything anyway- we're we" I sneered

Hee face dropped, hurt by my comment. I knew I got through to her. I took a few steps back, my stomach hurt and I wanted to hide.

"Can we please sit down and talk" Taylor whispered

She knew she was losing this battle- she was caught in the act and I was over it. I thought I knew her but not like this.

"Camila nothing happened, please can we talk- I only want you," Taylor said

I could hear the desperation in her voice, it shook. She was crying.

Serves her right.

"Maybe next time you'll know what you want and choose it before it is gone," I said looking back at her.

Her face hardened and she stormed over to me.

"I do know what I want" she grits out

When she reached me she grabbed me by the neck and quickly pulled me forward- before I could react to stop her she slammed her lips onto mine. Then In that moment lighting lit up the sky. Her lips fought with mine and I felt her hands snake into my hair.

I'm going to be sick, was all I could think. Reaching up and shoving her back I immediately bent over and started vomiting. My insides came out with a burn and some through my nose.

To much fucking wine.

My head pounded and my vision swayed.
hands were on my back then in my hair. The ringing was too loud for me to think, but the vomit was enough to occupy my thoughts.

"Let's get you in bed" she whispered

This time I didn't argue.