Switching sides

14

Camila

Taylor doesn't tag along so the drive is quiet, I don't regret hanging out with her but she's making me think wrong things. Things that make my gut tremble with anxiety. Maybe I'm reading into things when I should be seeking Shawn out.

Pulling up to the bus that's parked outside the venue I thank the driver and make my way over the bus, the lights are on so I know hes here.

  Once I enter I'm taken aback by the scene. Shawn is on one knee with flower petals, candles, and balloons all around him. I stand there in shock. Was he proposing to me... On the bus?

There's no way this is happening. My tomach clenches. I don't want this.... Do I? When did things change.
I glance at his face and I see his pupils are dilated, he's high and won't remember this in the morning. Sadness etches across my body, it was a good idea.

"Hey baby," I say walking closer to him

"Marry me" he blurts out

He doesn't give me time to respond and grabs my hand, while slipping the ring on my eyes land on my purple painted nails, reminding me of Taylor.

"Thank you, Shawn," I say forcing as much emotion as possible.

"Let's go make love baby," she says standing up and wrapping his arms around me

I try not to cringe at the fact he just wants a good fuck and try to picture where in love. But I can't, I can't keep forcing myself to want this so I lay there. I lay there and let Shawn do what he needs to do to finish himself off. Shawn does finish as I feel him fall asleep into me. Carefully I move his body off of me and make my way to the shower. I wanted to wash all of him off me.

Could life please get easy?

I got what I wanted, why was I not content?

   Later that week Shawn was doing his normal routine before the next show. He forgot that night what he had asked so I hid the ring, not wanting to talk about it with him. I hadn't seen Taylor since that night we hung out and I craved her presence, her joy, her ability to make me smile.

"Karla I'm going to sound check" Shawn called out through the bus

He didn't wait for a reply as he shut the door. Things seemed gray like I couldn't breathe and I was stuck underwater. But with Taylor, I felt like I could do anything. Maybe that's what good friends felt like. I needed more friends like Taylor who cared about me.

  I decided I needed some air and exited the bus, I went into the stadium and followed the crew staircase to the top of the building and I was able to get to the roof. It was quiet and nice up here. A slight breeze. I made my way over to the edge but it wasn't an edge, there was a fake drop, probably for safety.

So I felt safe sitting down and hanging my feet off the edge. Looking out at the city of Phoenix was beautiful. The sun was still up in the sky I was able to see everything. The mountains and busy people getting places. I heard the metal door open behind me and I glance back to see Taylor.

"Hey" I mumble out turning back

She doesn't say anything as she approaches me.

"This seat is taken," she asks and I laugh

I shake my head and she hops up sitting next to me.

"It's so beautiful " I sigh

"It is" Taylor hummus in response

"Wanna hear a joke" she asks

I nodd my head waiting for her to continue.

"A car walks into a library and asks the librarian " hello, can I please have some tuna fish"
They librarian says " this is a library "
The cat then says that's a whisper "oh sorry can I please have some tuna fish" " Taylor finishes the joke

I try to keep composure but I laugh a little. Her jokes were so stupid that they killed me. A good kinda stupid.

We don't say anything for a while after that. basking in the silence and watching the city. I feel Taylor shift and her hand brushes mine. Suddenly I feel those butterflies.

"Taylor," I say

I don't think Taylor understood what I was trying to say because she changed the subject.

"Cam, why do you stay with him, when he's so mean to you," Taylor asks

I feel as if my heart stopped beating, my breath closed in my throat as I glance at Taylor. Her eyes pierced into my soul.

"Taylor it's not-"

"It is Camila and you know. Your worth so much more than how he treats you" Taylor whispers

I can't move, I can't think. All I can hear is my heart pounding in my chest. Taylor saw all the signs, she saw all the Hints I tried covering up. Shit. But why was I worried? She's my friend who cares.

"Camila please" Taylor begs

I look up at her and she's mere inches from me. Her face was so close I can hardly think. I glance down at her lips and regret my decision when I look back up at her. I'm not gay stop, she's not gay stop.

"I want this" Taylor whispers

Her breath fanning across my face

WAIT WHAT

Does she want me???

The fuck

I'm dreaming ,I have to be.

I can't hear anything, my mind reeling in the possibilities. There's no fucking way Taykor wants me like that. I can't I won't.

Yet my body won't move, I beg it to move to run to flee but it stays put. Taylor is mere inches from my face as she moves ever so slightly closer. My lips tingle as they sense her skin. Her eyes focused on my lips then back up to me. I see her slight smirk before out of the corner of my eye I see hands grabbing Taylor and yanking her.

Pulled out of my trance I take in whats happening.

"YOU BITCH, FUCKING SLUT" a familiar voice yells

Reality sets in. Shawn tore Taylor off the edge and threw her to the ground. I'm frozen in place.

GET IP

MOVE

PROTECT HER

All it takes is to see Shawn grab her by her collar and throw a PUNCH before my legs are moving. He gets a few in on her face and I see her fighting him back before I'm tackling him off of her onto the floor and he swings again hitting me square in the jaw.

"You're A SLUT KARLA" Shawn screams

"FUCKING FAGGOTS" he yells

"GET OFF HER" I scream

Shawn throws me to the ground and turns back to Taylor who's getting off the ground herself.

"I knew you were up to something, can't keep your fucking hands off my girlfriend, faggot" Shawn seethes before I see his mussels tense

He's going to swing again. Before I can think I charge at him, my arms wrapping around his torso and I'm taking him to the ground. His chin hits the pavement and I hear a groan. He quickly throws me off of his body and I skid toward the wall hitting it with a thunk.

My eyes see stars for a moment, I groan rolling over and pushing myself up.

"Shawn stop" I groan

I look up to see Taylor getting a few good hits on him, her injuries look minor, with a busted lip and black eye. Hopefully that is the extent of it

"SHAWN STOP" I scream

He stops his next advancement on Taylor and stalks over to me, he grabbed me by my hair and yanks me up.

"I knew you I was too good for you, you're a fucking piece of garbage" he seethes.

Without warning he kicks me and I stumble back and lose my footing, right into the staircase. I can't grasp the railing in time before I tumble down a flight of stairs. The last thing I hear before blacking out is Shawn's scream.